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Tag Archives: dignity

Profiles In Dignity III: Wherefore Art Thou, Dignity?

18 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by Smaktakula in Headlines, Stupidity

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

cannabis, childish sexual innuendo, dignity, dope, grapefruit, grass, Gypsies, hemp, marijuana, pot, Promethean Times' ongoing commitment to treating all peoples and cultures with dignity and respect, shitty parents, sweet sweet cheeba, tramp stamps, Trojan Condoms, unremitting virginity, weed

By Smaktakula

Four Walls And A Roof Make It A House. Love Makes It A Home.

JUST LIKE CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER, SAD & FUNNY ARE TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER!

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Look, We’re Not Saying The Apple Was Asking For It, But When You Leave The House Without Your Peel And Flaunt Your Pulp For Any Grape, Plum Or Cherry That Comes Along, Somebody’s Gonna Get Juiced.

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In The Hilarious Modern Remake Of “It’s A Wonderful Life,” Little Billy Gets To See What Life Would Be Like If He Had Never Been Born.

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Were You Looking For An Honest Answer Or Did You Want Me To Tell You Something That Won’t Creep You Out?

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“And This Is Where Jesus Likes To Set His Beer.”

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The Answer Is “U”, For “Duck.” Jan Feels That The Comically Over-Sized Mallard Helps To Distract From The Big Swingin’ Meat-Sword She Has Hidden Under That Dress.*

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While It Is Technically True That “A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words,” It’s A Mistake To Assume That They’re All DIFFERENT Words. For Example, This Photo Just Says “I Will Go To My Lonely Grave Without Ever Having Known The Pleasure Of A Woman’s Touch” 58.823 Times.

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This Sign Proved A Mixed Blessing. On One Hand It Cruelly Mocked A Marginalized People And Reinforced Ignorant Stereotypes And Misapprehensions About Their Ancient Way Of Life. On The Plus Side, Since The Sign Remained In Place For Several Years, It Showed The World That There Are Some Things Even A Gypsy Won’t Steal.

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“You Look Adorable In Your Mermaid Costume, Sweetie. But Something’s Missing–It Doesn’t Proclaim To The World That I’m An Inappropriate Creep And Ridiculously Ill-Suited To Be A Father…Hey, That’s It! I’ve Got Just The Thing. Here, Try These On!”

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His Parents Have Tried Everything–Apple, Orange, Grape, Cranberry And Literally Every Product Ocean Spray Ever Made, But It’s No Use–That Kid Seems To Have A Pathological Hatred Of The Juice.

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PAN DOWN!!!! PAN DOWN!!!!

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I Camp Out In The Parking Lot On Most Nights To Get An Early Start In The Morning.

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* This image comes from back in my teaching days. I found it in a resource for first and second graders. Humanity, you are beautiful–don’t you ever change on us. ∞ T.

Profiles In Dignity II: Even Dignitier

29 Wednesday Feb 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Stupidity

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

bad parents, dignity, El Salvador, mullets, natural selection, places that suck, Promethean Times' ongoing commitment to treating all peoples and cultures with dignity and respect, Why am I so fat?

By Smaktakula

See? No Matter How Shitty Your Life Is, You Can Take Comfort In Knowing That You're Not This Smegma Blossom.

In which we celebrate the faults & foibles which make us mortal. Humanity, you are beautiful!

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Jordy Prepares A Photo For His Match.com Profile, Confident That Somewhere Out There Is A Gal Who Wants To Swap Fluids With A Freakish Human Pineapple.

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El Hombre Del Volar La Comadreja, The El Salvadoran Batman, Is A Lot Like The Gringo Version, Except That He's A Little Softer Around The Middle And The Batcave Is A Rusted-Out Ice Cream Truck.

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Here's Some Free Wisdom, Folks: Live Every Moment Of Life As If Your Ex-Girlfriend Might Be Watching.

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There Are Many Ways To Ensure That Your Son Will Own A Massive 4X4 With Trailer-Hitch Testicles As Soon As He Can Drive. This Is Just One Of Them.

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"Hey Is That A Skittle? My...HUH!...My God! It Is! FEED ME THAT GODDAMN...HUH!...GODDAMN SKITTLE RIGHT...HUH!...RIGHT GODDAMN NOW! *RONCH! RONCH! RONCH!* HUH! HUH! My God--That Was So...HUH!...HUH!...So Fucking Good."

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At Least Grandma Died Doing What She Loved--Living In A Bizarre, Dementia-Drenched Fantasy World.

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We Can't Afford To Be Seen With You, That's For Darn Sure.

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It Can Be Tough To Watch, But Sometimes You Simply Have To Trust That Mother Nature Knows What She's Doing.

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Yeah, Ha Ha, But Jimmy Has The Only Science Fair Project That's Worth A Damn. In Real Life, You Will NEVER Encounter A Situation Requiring You To Fashion An Electromagnet Out Of A Fishing Weight And Some Old Copper Wires. What Are You, Fucking McGuyver Now? YOU ROCK, JIMMY!

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You Need Only To See The Terror In That Tiny Creature's Eyes To Know That While You're Distracted By The Epic Mullet, FiFi's Getting Fucked.

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Profiles In Dignity

13 Monday Feb 2012

Posted by tardsie in Culture, Stupidity

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Barack Obama, Bob Dylan, Burt Bacharach, childish sexual innuendo, Danica Patrick, dignity, evolution, fat people, Hal David, love, moobs, Pedobear, Promethean Times' ongoing commitment to treating all peoples and cultures with dignity and respect, Smaktakula's hatred of the San Francisco Giants, Star Trek dorks, the myriad facets of gayness, Why am I so fat?

By Tardsie

Some Folks Just Can't Catch A Break.

“Someone showed me a picture and I just laughed
Dignity never been photographed”

Bob Dylan

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In 1965, songwriters Hal David and Burt Bacharach opined that love was ‘the only thing that there’s too little of.’  As any starving child in a famine-ridden but over-populated country will readily tell you, there are a great many things much rarer than love, which turns out to be rather common.

Dignity, however, is a dying resource. Experts contend that long-term exposure to media and social diets low in dignity can lead to both spiritual and moral deprivation as well as physical degradation. To celebrate this unfortunate trend, we’ve taken amusing pictures from the internet, and added to the poignancy with our own comments.  Enjoy!

Bonus! The Tank Can Hold Up To A Magnum Of Diet Pepsi.

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No Matter How Excited You Are, It's Never Okay To Douse The President In Your Personal Fluids.

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How Many Different Kinds Of Gay Can You Spot In This Picture?

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San Francisco Is The Only Ballclub Forward-Thinking Enough To Sponsor Its Own Pedophile Outreach Program.

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There's A Fine Line Between Terrifying And Ridiculous. It's Called The 'Terrifyingly Ridiculous Line.'

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It Would Appear That Star Fleet Academy Has Relaxed Its Entrance Requirements In Recent Years.

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Look At The Size Of That Pussy! The One Under The Cat, We Mean (Oh, Don't Act So Shocked; You Love It When We Go Lowbrow).

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The Ass-Belly Is The Most Disturbing Thing In This Image, And That's Saying Quite A Bit.

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Someday You'll Be Able To Tell Your Kids About That Time You Made Danica Patrick Throw Up In Her Own Mouth.

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You Can Laugh, But It's A Finely Tuned Evolutionary Adaptation To Life In Today's Fast-Paced Urban Environment.

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So how do you go about getting yourself one of those aqua-scooters, anyway? < S.

Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: The Riot

17 Friday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, News, Sport, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

breaking stuff, dignity, dweebs, Farmville, flash-riot, geeks, getting back at mom and dad, helpful hints, hockey riots, nerds, Promethean Times' ongoing commitment to treating all peoples and cultures with dignity and respect, riots, sense of entitlement, thanks a lot mom, Vancouver

By Smaktakula

The flash-riot has become a hallmark of our age of entitlement.  It can therefore be helpful to at all times be aware of your image, lest you find yourself an object of humor at the expense of your human dignity.

Perhaps Mom & Dad Will Think Twice The Next Time They Decide To Ground Harrison From Playing Farmville.

Nerds Demonstrate Some Value In Non-Technical Applications

26 Monday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

America's Finest City, brilliant dirty weirdos, California, Captain James T. Kirk, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Captain Kathryn Janeway, comic books, Comic Con 2010, dignity, dweebs, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, Face Front True Believer!, fanboys, geeks, God Hates Fags, internet pornography, living in mom's basement, Lord Gomorrah, Mr. Spock, nerds, never-seen girlfriend in the Niagara Falls area, Optimus Prime, religious intolerance, Reverend Fred Phelps, San Diego, Scripps Mercy Hospital, spazzes, Spider-Man, Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager, storm trooper, super heroes, super-villainry, weirdos, Westboro Baptist Church, with great power comes great responsibility

By Smaktakula

It was San Diego’s darkest hour; America’s Finest City found itself in the grip of an unrelenting evil more insidious than any it had heretofore faced.  Across the fair city, harried citizens were paralyzed by a growing sense of doom: a small cadre of thugs, underlings of the odious Lord Gomorrah, had come to the city to share some of their vile asshattery.  Who would champion St. Diego’s city against the scourge of such villainy?

Who?   Who?   Who?

A bunch of overweight dudes in homemade costumes, as it turns out.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: In This Case, Responsibility Means Two Cans Of Crisco And A Shoehorn.

When a handful of the despicable Reverend Fred Phelps’ minions from the Westboro Baptist Church descended upon the 2010 San Diego Comic Con, they were determined to spread the word of a loving God by letting the assembled geeks know that “GOD HATES FAGS.”   Unsurprisingly, the gathering of masked men bedecked in leather and rainbow-hued spandex remained unamused by the message.

True to San Diego’s motto, Semper Vigilans, the asthmatic assemblage was ready for the cretinous crew.  The pimple-ridden posse responded with fervor equal to the sanctimonious blowhards, proclaiming loudly and proudly that Captain Kirk was worth ten Captain Picards.*

As when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, insanity and inanity clashed with catastrophic results, leaving the shamed and demoralized Westboro Baptists to slink away.  Initially it appeared that the overweight avengers would track the evildoers back to their lair by following the trail of slime.  They turned back when it was noticed that the hour had grown late, and someone remarked that the busses stopped running after 9:00 PM.

"This Wasn't Just A Struggle Against Religious Bigotry," Says Sentry 24601, "This Was A Fight For Our Dignity."

Cultural contributions by nerds are various and well-known, including such everyday staples as smartphones, satellite technology and internet pornography.  However, until recently, these contributions had been strictly limited to technology and technology-related applications.  By taking a stand against Phelps & Co., spazzes have now made a non-technical contribution to American culture, however tiny and insignificant.

"Who's Laughing Now, Becky McGinnis? Huh? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?"

Nerds everywhere are said to be delighted by the turn of events.  Telephone and internet providers across the nation are bracing for a tsunami of activity across the information grid as the victorious nerds send word of their bravery.  Expected to be hit especially hard is the Niagara Falls area, where many of the convention-goers’ girlfriends are said to live.

*Sources at the scene insisted that Promethean Times record that those assembled were not able to reach consensus on this issue.  Although the majority were decidedly among the pro-Kirk faction, several felt that Picard outshone Kirk, adding, “Picard did it alone.  Kirk would be nothing without Mr. Spock.  Nothing!”  One participant listed Captain Janeway as his favorite, at which point he was set upon by the others.  As of this writing, he remains in critical condition at Scripps Mercy Hospital.

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