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By Smaktakula

Mr. Claus Is Said To Be No Fan Of The Pyongyang Regime.

In a move considered dickish even by the attenuated standards of blighted pariah nations, rogue state North Korea fired two Nodong-2 missles at Santa’s Sleigh early Sunday morning, narrowly missing the beloved quasi-diety.  Santa and his reindeer are reportedly unhurt, much to the delight of good boys and girls throughout the first world.

No, You're Thinking Of Vietnam. In North Korea, Santa Says "Kim! Kim! Kim!"

Western observers are divided as to the reasons behind the military action.  Some view the attack as a show of strength by newly-appointed dictator and enfant terrible, Kim Jong-un.  Others disagree.  Proponents of the so-called “Bad Santa” theory contend that the attack was a calculated maneuver, and was never intended to harm St. Nick.   Santa would be so furious following the encounter, according to the theory, that he would leave the entire North Korean nation nothing but coal, something the wretched citizens of the failed state desperately need to heat their desolate hovels.

Whatever. You Weren't Getting Anything, Anyway.

"And T-T-To All A G-G-Good Night!"