Every now and again you’ll find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to cooperate for a short time with an asshole. Ever the consummate gentleman (or gentlelady), you will no doubt make the best of a bad situation, resisting the urge to draw attention to the low-grade animosity between the two of you.
However, comporting himself like a mature adult may be asking too much of this twat’s self-discipline and dignity. In an effort to wrest control of the situation (and by extension some small piece of his sad and wasted life), he may hit you with a blustery line beginning with the painfully obvious assertion, “I don’t like you, and you don’t like me.”
It’s a fair bet that someone so reliant on an old movie-house chestnut like that will be sluggish on his mental feet–the right comment delivered at the right moment will shut this joker down. Be ready!
Your opponent will be ready for at most two reactions. He will expect you either to engage him in mutual verbal hostility, or else sink into a sullen silence. He has likely crafted an action plan for either response, and it is critical that you keep him off-balance and outside his comfort zone.
Immediately after he delivers his line–before he finishes his sentence, if possible–respond with a completely perplexed, “I like you fine.”*
Completely unprepared such an eventuality, this clown will be instantly rendered more desperate for a cue card than Lindsay Lohan in The Merry Wives of Windsor. He will splash about for a few moments, but if not thrown a rope in the form of an angry reaction on your part, he will soon enough sink below the surface with no trace of his passing.
Congratulations! You’ve gone all Gandhi on this guy, scoring a knockout with a metaphorical kick to the nuts, and carried it off with all the panache and precision of Fred Astaire.You can now expect that whatever you need to accomplish together should be easy enough, with no lip from the cowed ass-clown.