Tags
blond guys with dreads look like idiots, blond men, cultural dilution, cultural heritage, cultural theft, douchebaggery, dreadlocks, dreadmullet, dreads, filthy macrame, forced to diddle Lilith Fair chicks, hygiene, lhasa apsos, mullet, no hypocrisy, normals, Philosopher's Stone, race, Raggedy Andy, Rastafarianism, when pressed for time Smaktakula eagerly embraces nonsensical cliches like media-driven fishbowl, white man's overbite, white men can't dance
By Smaktakula
Race has always been a contentious topic, never more so than in today’s overcharged, media-driven fishbowl. Issues of cultural heritage are similarly sensitive. A longstanding and often-fiery debate continues over the question of whether the cultural properties of a race are best kept within the purview of that specific culture, or whether these formerly cultural properties be adopted by the greater culture at large to reach their full significance, thereby risking dilution.
If You Find Yourself Asking, "Why Do Dreadlocks Look Great On This Guy, But Make Me Look Like An Asshole?", Take A Few Deep Breaths And Do Your Best Not To Swallow Your Own Tongue. Promethean Times Is Here To Help.
There are no easy answers to this question, and we will not attempt any here. Instead, can we all agree right now that blond guys need to stop wearing their hair in dreadlocks?
It Should Not Be. How Can A Loving God Let This Happen?
Promethean Times fails to see the appeal in going through life with a filthy piece of macramé clinging to your scalp. It would appear that nature agrees with our dim assessment of the hairstyle’s aesthetic value, based on the dubious quality of the soupy pool from which these bipedal lhasa apsos are forced to choose their mates. There are certainly more hygienic ways to attract a mate, and lacking a hairstyle that readily identifies you as a douchebag greatly increases your potential to perform intercourse with a partner who has both an established pattern of bathing and at least a nodding acquaintance with a razor.
At Least These Two Aren't Spreading Their Aberrant Chromosomes Among The Normals.
There is a danger here more insidious than simply looking like a dickhead. Although cultural watchdogs are particularly vigilant against cultural theft, no one is guarding against the danger that more insipid elements of white culture will find their way into black culture. Witness this disturbing back-door attempt to introduce the mullet into Rastafarian culture:
Curiously, Smaktakula Feels In No Way Hypocritical In Wanting To Beat This Punk's Lily-White Ass.
No blond man, no matter how good-looking, has ever been anything other than a pitiable clown buried under a snarl of dreads. Anyone who thinks that he might be the blond Philosopher’s Stone, gifted with the miraculous ability to transform shit into chic, is dangerously deluded. Unfortunately, until these misguided souls accept that cool-looking dreadlocks are forever denied them,* the rest of us will have to suffer these flesh-and-blood Raggedy Andys.
Promethean Times 
there are people everywhere who like the jamaican culture
bob marley “get up stand up stand up for your rights’
peace
Well put, Joyce–thanks for the comment! In semi-rebuttal, we offer this.
Who the hell is anyone to tell another how they should look. Who gave you or anyone that right. Such a sad person you must be
Do I have the right to tell someone to properly punctuate an interrogative statement? If not, just forget that I brought it up.
But you realize that you look like an asshole with those blond dreads, right, bro? That’s all we’re trying to say.
This is the most racist thing I’ve ever read. YOU, sir, are the asshole.
THIS is the most racist thing you’ve ever read? Really? The MOST racist? I think it’s high time for a certain little someone to broaden her reading horizons, don’t you?
awwww I think they looked cute, In a hipster douche bag kinda way,
but you guys, you should be carefull.. Hipsters no where you live.. they are wizards.. that turn into donkeys
(shut up i just woke up…)
Hahaha, Rastafarian mullet.
LMFAO
what the hell is the problem with dreads. If done correctly, they are extremely clean and probably the most organic hair style you can wear. Dreadlocks also have spiritual meaning, something which the western culture has no idea about, but are slowly starting to wake up to the power of spirituality. check it out people!
I happen to have blonde dreads, and 90% of people i meet LOVE how i look now. And for all of you judgmental douchebags, go jump into Mt. Vesuvius.
How about you shitheads get off your insecure, high horse and let people be happy? It’s not hard, I promise
Great stuff.
Some of the comments are rather funny as well. Some people obviously just don’t get it.
“No blond man, no matter how good-looking, has ever been anything other than a pitiable clown buried under a snarl of dreads.”
That really does say it all.