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By Tardsie

With Which We Have A Relationship Of Sorts. Our Status? It’s Complicated.

After A While It’s Like Fingernails On A Chalkboard

Can a man be driven mad by nothing more than the ceaseless sound of his own voice? We’ll let you know, but our working hypothesis is “yes.”



Regrets For A Life Not Really Lived

People say that the things you really regret  in life are not those that you do, but rather the things you don’t do.

Maybe. But tell that to the bright young professional who has to go to work every day with a herpes sore on her eyelid.


Why Growing Up Is A Pyrrhic Victory

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to see Blondie in concert in San Jose, California. When I was a kid, I had a major crush on Debbie Harry, the band’s lead singer. It’s sort of a comedown to realize that now, when I’d have at least a decent shot at having her, it’s most likely not worth the effort.

Whereas–Let’s Face It–I’d Have No Shot With This Version.


Time Wasted On The Creation/Evolution Debate

What with a national election and other impending crises, the Evolution vs. Intelligent Design debate has fortunately simmered down. The argument, which pits religious fundamentalism against science has raged for years in America’s heartland.

What gets lost in all the posturing and soul-shaking is that it doesn’t really matter. Unless you grow up to be a geologist, a thorough knowledge of earth-science will have even less bearing on the day-to-day workings of your real life than algebra.  And if you are a geologist, then you went to college where they straightened all that shit out.

It Did, At Least, Give Us The Flying Spaghetti Monster.


On Joy Killers

I’ve never understood why some people like to stomp down another person’s joy. From the rotten little shit who shatters the Santa Claus myth to militant atheists who’d rather be right than happy, don’t people have better uses for their time than to try to make somebody else’s life as empty as their own? Ultimately, does it do you any good to let the dude with four yellowing teeth and the “No Fat Chicks” hat know that pro-wrestling is fake?


Things To Stop Saying

“Officially.” Unless something is truly official (i.e., “intended for the notice of the public and performed or held on behalf of officials or of an organization”), don’t call it that. You and your ex-girlfriend are not “officially” broken up.

However, you and your ex-wife ARE “officially” divorced.

You Thought We Were Lame As Hell–But Then You Saw This.