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After lengthy consultations with prominent physicians, lawyers and spiritual advisors, Promethean Times has agreed to conditionally rescind Charlie Sheen’s douchebag status. The doomed former television personality’s obvious mental illness likely indicates a complete lack of control over his own life and career, both of which are in freefall.
Possibly the only individual in the Western World not fully cognizant of the pathetic nature of the actor’s plight is the Warlock himself. The toothless cretin received a warm reaction from a Chicago audience during staging of his spectacle, My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Death is Not an Option, despite being nearly booed off the stage at the debut in Detroit.
Along with thousands and perhaps millions of other publications, Promethean Times has repeatedly mocked Sheen in the past. We’re going to try really hard not to do so in the future.
Seemingly overnight, picking on Charlie Sheen has become like heckling an athlete at the Special Olympics. Sure, it seems like a good idea, and it’s pretty easy to do–but it leaves you spiritually untethered and consumed with bitter self-loathing.