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By Tardsie

Save Your Pity For Some Other Fool.

Nothing feels worse against my skin than your pity. I hate hate hate to be pitied. There are some folks who seem to get off on being pathetic, whose lives are an interminable epic of abject failure and unspeakable woe, who just can’t ever seem to catch a break. Save your pity for them.

And Of Course, It’s BYOB.

The one very notable exception to this is if I’m ill. If afflicted with anything more serious than the sniffles, then I’m gonna need you to tear your attention away from whatever it is that seems so damn important to you right now and try to focus for just a moment on what I’m enduring with such stoic bravery. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I Feel You Guys. I Can’t Eat ANYTHING With This Sore Throat, And I Am Hella Famished! Also, The Soup Is Too Hot.