Tags
cuckoldry, I Saw Daddy Stomping Santa Claus, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claws, infidelity, Merry Christmas!, MOMMY IS A WHORE!, obstinate stupidity, Why am I so stupid?
By Smaktakula
Some songs enrich our lives; others shatter them.
Because Some Things Just Aren’t Funny.
Promethean Times 
The first frozen frame before I clicked play shows a very scowling Smak that really sets the tone for this piece.
Though I’m surprised earlier this year you didn’t feel any moral outrage to the Arbor Day classic “Don’t Let Rover Pee on the Pinetree”, which is awash in socio-fascist imagery.
Merry christmas and happy new year to you and all of yours.
I like how they turn “Don’t Let Rover Pee on the Pinetree” on its head for National Canine Appreciation Day, and call it “What, You’re Too Good To Let A Dog Pee On You?”
Fascists, I tell ya.
So, if I’m interpreting this correctly, you’re actually Santa Claus’s son, still tormented all these years later by your mother’s extracurricular yuletide activities. There, there…
It’s true–mommy was a ho-ho-HO! And being the bastard son of Santa would explain my tendency toward corpulence, my generally jolly disposition and my fear of working more than one or two days a year.
That it would.
Have a great Christmas!
And to you as well!
There’s one 100 x more horrible than that…. I think the title is Grandma got killed by a reindeer. or something. i think it was voted the worst Christmas song of all time. I’m not sure, John Denver composed and sang that.
John also sings one entitled Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas).
Just last year when I was only seven
Now I’m almost eight, as you can see
You came home a quarter past eleven
And fell down underneath
our Christmas tree
Tom, I didn’t know about this, and I wanted you to be mistaken. Oh, John. Well, this is offset by his courageous stand (along with Dee Snyder and Frank Zappa) against Tipper Gore & Susan Baker’s pro-censorship PMRC campaign.
You can’t blame John Denver for that song (I checked), but it is an AWFUL song. And if I’m being honest, I think “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is kind of sweet.
There is a worse one. It’s called the “Christmas F*** You Song” by Rude Santa. Readily available for purchase on MP3 through Amazon.
I think you ought to get on your high horse more often. A New Year’s resolution?
Thanks, Tom–you know, the world is certainly iniquitous and morally adrift. I’ll see if maybe I can conjure my internal Pat Robertson more often.
Just so long as you maintain humble and don’t start pronouncing every Act of God as Divine Retribution for the sins of our nation.
Well, hold on now…I don’t want to go limiting my options just yet.
I’m so glad someone finally took a stand against this song that is slowly destroying the fabric of America.
Hey, now you KNOW Santa wasn’t coming down the chimney for just some lousy cookies n milk, don’t cha?
Merry Christmas, Smakington!!!
What does it say about me that I don’t really care for any of the “modern” Christmas tunes while I enjoy the Renaissance through 19th-century classics, even though I don’t subscribe to any organized religion?
I rather prefer the innocence of Bob and Doug McKenzie’s “12 Days of Christmas.” Where else can you find a beer in a tree, a chain saw and a reference to golden toques (stocking hats) in the same song? I’d even settle for Bob Rivers’ winter holiday classics, such as “Walking ‘Round In Women’s Underwear,” or “I’ll Be Stoned for Christmas.” Being that my spouse turns every holiday into a melodramatic nightmare, being stoned for Christmas doesn’t sound so much like a bad idea.