Celebrity Death Watch, court date, Dina Lohan, DUI, E-Trade, Flower of American Skankhood, former child stars, has-been, India, inebriate, LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE!!!, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, Promethean Times' Patron Skank, skankery, sniper, untalented stars, US Justice System
These are lean times for Promethean Times’ Patron Skank, Lindsay Lohan. The plucky actress has faced anti-skank bigotry in India, the unlawful appropriation of her name and likeness by E-Trade and of course, the terrifying sniper episode. Now, Lindsay faces what is perhaps her greatest challenge yet–a court date for her most recent DUI.
Lindsay has reason to be scared. If the US Justice System gets its way, Lindsay may be forbidden one of America’s most cherished freedoms–the right to get way fucked up.
The threat is so serious that Michael and Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s “parents”, have toyed with the idea of combining forces for their mutual profit and if time and circumstances permit, to make a passable effort at saving their daughter’s life.
Promethean Times wonders how Lindsay will regard this difficult period in her life when she contemplates it at thirty or thirty-five. Will she be ashamed of her 2010 antics, or will she embrace them as necessary steps in her development into self-confident maturity?
Ha Ha! Just kidding about that. Lindsay’s never gonna see thirty.