By Smaktakula
Flower of American Skankhood: LiLo Mimes Fellatio For An Approving Audience.
The 21st Century promises to be a cold one for women of easy virtue. Harlots, hos, sluts, wayward girls, hussies (both brazen and wanton), tramps, Run-Around Sues, bad girls, seductresses, chickenheads, homewreckers, libertines, gold diggers, skanks, loose women, hose-monsters, skeezers, camp tramps, tarts, women of ill repute and those of low moral fibre, free love enthusiasts, Sybarites, Jezebels, bimbos, wenches bawdy and tawdry, fuck buddies, the wrong sort, your friend’s cousin Sarah with the lazy eye, floozies, Lolitas, cougars, girls who you know, groupies, mattress backs, sure things, women named for places or emotions, hootchies, friends with benefits, supafreaks, poxy lasses, demimondes, succubi, skags, slags, vamps, the girl your mother warned you about and even the occasional adulteress have suddenly found themselves very much alone.
The Hard Part Isn't Someday Telling Your Children That You Participated In The Girls Gone Wild Co-Ed Sex Tryouts; It's Telling Them You Were Voted MVP Three Years Running.
It wasn’t always like this. Not so long ago tramps were a beloved, if not respected, part of the national social fabric. During the Sexual Revolution, strumpetry gained such a seemingly intractable foothold within Western culture that it appeared nothing–not even the AIDS virus–could stop it.
Forty short years later the world is a very different place. Awash in a wave of anti-skank sentiment, many countries are taking extreme measures to eliminate skankery altogether. India’s reputation for anti-skank bigotry–or skankism— is well-deserved. But the world hears little about skank repression in countries like China, where it is rumored that hos are forced to live in squalid re-education centers; or Iran, where strumpetry is punishable by stoning in some cases.
Today the United States and Canada, Eastern Europe and Thailand, are the last bastions of skankery. But even in these once-safe havens, it appears time is running out. In the United States, skankhood–long considered a cherished freedom by Americans–is facing a relentless attack.
FACT: How You View This Relationship Depends Upon Your Gender.
Not long ago, lifting up your shirt for a sweaty asshole with a camera would net you a shitty T-Shirt and enough self-loathing to last a lifetime. Now you only get the shame.
Circa 2006, a strategically released sex-tape was the best shot at success for moderately-to-very attractive but talentless ‘actresses.’ One has only to remember the meteoric rise to vacuous stardom of Hilton and Kim Kardashian after their sex tapes were released. But times have changed. Recently, when tiresome jackass Lawrence Fishburne’s daughter Montana attempted to gain publicity for her own intentionally released sex tape, she was given the cold shoulder by the press. The media sources all cited the usual reasons for the snub–questionable values, poor production and a complete lack of interest from the public due to Montana’s negligible body of work, etc.–but many feel that skankism is the cause.
Every Time Smaktakula Has Been In Paris He Has Quickly Regretted The Experience: It is Filthy, Pungent And Remarkable For Its Lack Of Native English-Speakers.
Skank arrests in the United States have more than quadrupled in the last few years. Among the more high-profile busts are such celebriskanks as Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, or skank males–better known as skonks, such as oily pornographer, Joe Francis. Fearing for their safety, many skanks have gone underground. Others, such as actresses Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid and Shannon Elizabeth have pledged only to appear in no-budget straight-to-DVD productions until they are destigmatized. Britney Spears famously cut off her hair in protest.
Sorry Britney: Folks Just Aren't That Into Crazy Bald Chicks. Elton John Is The Exception Which Proves The Rule.
Will strumpets, tramps and hos become a nostalgic relic of yesteryear America, like the mighty buffalo which once covered the Great Plains? If the Obama Administration gets its way, the answer is yes. The Obama Administration has made it a top priority to end Skankism in the United States by 2024, with a broader goal of stamping out skankism world-wide by 2040.
Coming Soon: Obama v. Snooki
