• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Category Archives: Satire

Revealed: Why John Adams Became President

02 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, History, Holiday, Humor, Mythology, National Events, National Politics, People, Politics, Relationships, Satire

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

guitar, Independence Day, John Adams, July 2nd, July 4th, lame presidents, marketable skills, President Adams, Samuel Adams, shitty psychics, Thomas Jefferson

By Smaktakula

1) He couldn’t play guitar.

2) Unlike his cousin Sam, a successful brewer to this day, he had no marketable skills.

3) His career as a psychic proved a bust when he made well-publicized but shitty predictions like this one:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.*

A Lack Of Real Options Forced The Presidency Upon Him.

*Thomas Jefferson’s response: “Have fun at your ‘July 2nd’ party, loser!  See the rest of y’all on Sunday.  Bring chicks.”

Skanks In The Crosshairs, Part II: The War To End All Whores

27 Friday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Human Rights, Justice, National Events, North America, People, Relationships, Satire, Social Networking

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, celebriskanks, childish sexual innuendo, David Gregory, did you see that thing about herpes--she really is a slut, Hobegon, Horn Dog Deomocrats, Joe Biden, John McCain, Meet The Press, Nicole Polizzi, Obama Administration, Obama's war on skanks, PPD 24601, President Obama, Presidential Policy Directive, pro-skank Democrats, Robert Gibbs, Sir Let Us Tan!, skankery, skankism, skanks, skin cancer, skonks, Snooki, Snooki's arrest, tanning, the beach ball problem at Chavez Ravine, United States of America, untalented stars, Vice President Biden, what IS the singular of Cheetos?

By Smaktakula

After issuing a string of denials over the past several weeks, the White House abruptly reversed itself yesterday, admitting the existence of Presidential Policy Directive 24601.  This admission ends the mounting speculation regarding the anti-skank directive, dubbed ‘Hobegon‘ by some in the press.  The White House claims that Hobegon codifies America’s foreign and domestic policy with regard to skanks.  It does that, and more: PPD 24601 is nothing less than a declaration of war on hos.

"Let Me Be Clear: I See An America--One That Can Only Be Achieved By Rising Above Partisan Rhetoric And Red-State/Blue-State Name Calling--An America Once Again Setting An Example For Other Nations By Helping To Create--Not Only For Our Children And The World's Children, But Also The Many Children Yet Unborn--A World That Is Free Of Skanks."

“This is something about which the President feels very strongly,” White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said in a press conference this morning.  “He has two daughters of his own, and like so many American parents right now, he’s concerned about the type of world that little Sasha and Malia will find waiting for them when they grow up.”

This sudden admission surprised most political observers, and apparently some within the Executive Circle.  Last Sunday on Meet The Press, the Vice-President said, “If there is {the secret Hobegon document}, they sure haven’t shown it to Joe Biden.”  He went on to add, “I mean, who doesn’t like tramps, am I right?” at which point the Vice-President attempted to high-five David Gregory.  Biden apologized for the comments just a few hours later after meeting privately with the President.  What the Vice-President was denying less than a week ago is now official US policy.

The impetus for the Administration’s abrupt about-face appears to be a series of events which drove the media into such a speculative frenzy that it became necessary to make some details of the secret directive public.  One of the events which set this chain in motion were widely publicized comments made by reality tv grotesquery Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.  The celebriskank fired a volley across the Administration’s bow when she said,   “I don’t go tanning anymore, because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning, and I feel he did that intentionally for us.”

Largely derided at the time, the enigmatic Snooki now appears to be something of a Cassandra.  Even her foes are beginning to wonder if the talking party ball is shrewder than she appears, given that anti-tanning initiatives are part of Obama’s War on Skanks.  Snooki went on to note that Obama’s 2008 Rival John McCain would not have applied the tax, “Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan.”

Unlike Virtually Every Other Political Position Which He Has Taken Over The Years, Senator McCain's Staunch Support Of Skanks Has Never Wavered.

McCain’s unfortunate history of skin cancer aside, this insight is trenchant.  The Arizona Republican has long been staunchly, if quietly, pro-skank.   Throughout the 20th Century, support for ladies of easy virtue blurred party lines, but since the 2000 presidential election has become increasingly divided among partisan lines, with Republicans generally opposing anti-skank legislation.   Bill Clinton was the last pro-skank Democrat to hold a statewide office or higher.  The promising young cadre of pro-skank Democrats (“Horn Dog Democrats”) who swept into office with Clinton in 1992 are long gone.

Initially the White House attempted to shrug off Snooki’s charges, labelling them, “Laughable” and “Not worth dignifying.”  However, as with so many Washington scandals, the further the administration tried to distance themselves from it, the more tenaciously the rumors clung.

The situation reached critical mass when Snooki was arrested on July 30th.  Wearing a T-Shirt which read SLUT (Sir, Let Us Tan!) in protest of the effort to tax tanning beyond the means of the average tramp, which she calls skankist, Snooki was seen being led away by police.  The official account claims that the plump strumpet was drunk and out of control.

Dodger Stadium Security Removes Another Beach Ball From The Field.

Not so, counters Snooki:

“Oh. My. God.  Oh my God, I can’t believe they said that.  That’s–I’ma fucking sue them, I swear to God I will–That’s such a lie!  Can I tell you?  Can I tell you how much of a fucking lie that is?  That is not true.  Anybody who knows me–my good friends who know me, not the haters–knows that is just not true.”

“I’m a political prisoner.  They’re trying to shut me up.”

The Political Cost Of Looking Like A Soggy Cheeto.

Since then, Skanks have been notable for their absence.  “Laying low,” was how one observer termed it.  Because of summer reruns and the ubiquity of archived material on the internet, the American public has so far not been greatly affected by the self-imposed Skankout.  It has been pointed out that had this Skankout occurred during the school year, its presence might have been felt more profoundly in a reduction in the number of hot female teachers sleeping with their seventh-grade students.

But because those people passionate about skank rights would not be silenced, the ensuing e-storm would force the beleaguered administration to admit the existence of PPD 24601.   President Obama promised the nation that “further details will be will be made available in the coming days.”

Coming Soon: GO HO GO!

Obama Administration To Continue Time-Honored Tradition Of Coddling Despots

01 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, Humor, International Relations, People, Politics, Relationships, Satire, World Affairs

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

appeasement, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, China, Chinese masters, espionage, Europe, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, George W. Bush, Harry S Truman, holding hands with the Saudis, Kremlin, Obama Administration, POTUS, reacharound, reset button, Reset Strategy, Russia, Russian spy ring, Saudi Arabia, Soviet Union, Staples, USSR, Vladimir Putin, W, White House, White House Press Corps

The White House was quick to reassure America’s friends in the Kremlin that, despite the recent arrest of at least ten alleged Russian spies, relations between the two countries were as warm and fuzzy as an inspirational poster of puppies from Spencer’s Gifts.  Observers have pointed to a noticable thawing in dealings between United States and Russia since the implementation of President Obama’s Reset Strategy.     

RESET: Basing Your Foreign Policy On A Staples Ad Campaign Not Always Such A Great Idea

Russian reaction to Obama’s statement was warm.  Said an unnamed Russian source,     

“The Obama is so refreshink.  Before, with the Bush it was all: ‘Don’t kill that journalist,’ ‘Let your people have the free elections,’ ‘Don’t you think you ought to stop invadink your neighbors?’  Blah-Blah-Blah.  Give me break!  I tell you, it was crazy.     

But with the Obama, there is none of that.  We do what we do, and he does what he does, you know?  He calls every now and then, askink: ‘You guys still think I’m cool, right?’     

We say, ‘Sure, Barry!  You are rockink dude!  Give me the high-five, bro!’  And then he goes away for a while.  Everybody happy.”     

Obama is said to have remarked to his aides that Franklin Roosevelt also bent over for the Soviets, and that Truman threw half of Europe under the soul-crushing wheels of the Soviet machine.  “Everybody loves FDR and Truman, right?” the president is reportedly fond of asking.     

Presidents Clinton and Bush 43 are credited with reviving the trend of sucking up to liberty-hating thugs.  Clinton, of course, consulted his Chinese masters before every major decision.  George W. Bush was known to have such a stiffy for the despotic and profligate Saudi regime that he was unable to resist holding hands whenever he got the opportunity.     

His Weakness For Oily Men Was Legendary

In the end, President Obama said he was surprised by the fuss people are making over the so-called spy scandal:     

 “After all,” an aide quotes Obama as saying, “These are simply unregistered emissaries of a friendly foreign power, who were charged with clandestinely bringing the American way of life to their less-fortunate countries.  It seems cynical of the Republicans to bring up Putin’s penchant for ordering the assassination both at home and abroad of journalists and critics.  The Republicans seem to forget that the Bush Administration did exactly the same thing when they asked media organizations not to broadcast sensitive troop movements.”     

The President then invited the White House Press Corps to come watch him slap around an oil executive that POTUS had flown in especially for the occasion.     

Will You Be Needink A Reacharound, Mr. President?  White House: Spy Arrests Will Not Harm US-Russian Ties | USA | English.     

Smaktakula

Homeland Security Chooses To Ignore Growing Threat Of Winged Terror

30 Wednesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Critters, General Foolishness, Humor, International Relations, Relationships, Satire, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Airbus, Alfred Hitchcock, badassery, Birds of a Feather, Blame Canada!, Bush Doctrine, Canada, Canadian geese, Chesley Sullenberger, competence, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., four legs good, geese, hero pilot, heroism, La Guardia, New York, North Carolina, pro-avian agenda, suicide attack, Sully, Sully Sullenberger, Terrorism, The Birds, two legs bad, US Airways Flight 1549

By Smaktakula
Note:  This is the third installment in our ongoing environmental series, Does Nature Want You Dead?  Yes It Does. The previous installments are SHAMU Sleeper Agent Wreaks Havoc At Florida Amusement Park and Super-Intelligent Stalker Sharks Plotting Bloody ‘Dorsal Dawn.’

At 3:27 PM on January 15th, 2009 a catastrophe was averted by inches.  Shortly after US Airways Flight 1549 took off from La Guardia International in New York en route to North Carolina’s Charlotte/Douglas,  several geese managed to bring down the Airbus A320 by flying simultaneously into both of the aircraft’s engines.

Levelheadedness and expertise were the only things standing between Flight 1549 and a cataclysmic, horrorshow ending in the steel canyons of New York City.  Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, aided by his ice-nerved co-pilot and well-trained crew, was able to wrestle the dying plane into the Hudson River.  Miraculously, all 155 humans on board Flight 1549 survived.

Chesley Sullenberger: His Fierce Badassery Helps Mitigate The Handicap Of Such A Gay Name.

It is fitting and proper that the focus of this incident remain on the lives saved in the face of such impossible odds.  However, that does not excuse turning a blind eye to the fact that several geese–for reasons yet unknown–took out a massive passenger plane with an intricately planned and precisely executed suicide attack that very nearly cost 155 innocent people their lives.  Yet no one is asking, “Why did this happen?”

The exact number of geese involved in taking down Flight 1549 has never been determined.  All the geese who participated in the attack are believed to have perished.  However, witnesses reported seeing a flock fleeing the scene in the seconds after the attack.  To date, not one of these geese has been apprehended.

There have been some troubling indications that a foreign power may be involved.  Almost all witnesses reported that both the attacking geese and those seen fleeing the scene were Canadian Geese.  The FAA claimed to have no knowledge of any scheduled flock along that air route.  The fact remains that several Canadian Geese were flying in American airspace, something no one disputes.  And yet you hear nothing about this from conventional media outlets, particularly those in areas sharing a border with our “friends” to the north.

There was a time when the beak-and-feather set had a healthy respect for humanity.  These birds of yesteryear would have to be content with expressing their displeasure through a well-timed bowel movement.  Their descendants are proving not nearly so patient.

That these birds can strike any plane at any time should terrify all of humanity.  That it does not is an indication of just how far the pro-avian media has pushed its “Birds of a Feather” campaign.  Recently, there have been attempts by several school districts to ban Alfred Hitchcock’s award-winning documentary, The Birds.

The Hollow-Boned Menace Laughs At Our Weakness

The air-travelling public is left with two choices.  The first, an initially more painful: a return to the Bush Doctrine with regards to America’s growing Avian-Aquatic Mammal-Shark problem, and hunt these beasts down where they hide–hunt them down like dogs! . . . dogs that fly or swim.

The second choice is to not make a choice at all.  To continue with feel-good featherist policies–to bury our heads in the sand, in the parlance of our avian enemy–is to sign our death warrant as a species.  As we speak the avian menace has the capacity to take out any aircraft–private, commercial or military–anywhere in the world.  Don’t think they won’t do it.

Fast-Approaching Lohan Trainwreck Promises To Be A Spectacular And Tragic Waste

24 Monday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, People, Satire, Scandal

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Celebrity Death Watch, court date, Dina Lohan, DUI, E-Trade, Flower of American Skankhood, former child stars, has-been, India, inebriate, LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE!!!, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, Promethean Times' Patron Skank, skankery, sniper, untalented stars, US Justice System

By Smaktakula

These are lean times for Promethean Times’ Patron Skank, Lindsay Lohan.  The plucky actress has faced anti-skank bigotry in India, the unlawful appropriation of her name and likeness by E-Trade and of course, the terrifying sniper episode.  Now, Lindsay faces what is perhaps her greatest challenge yet–a court date for her most recent DUI.       

Lindsay has reason to be scared.  If the US Justice System gets its way, Lindsay may be forbidden one of America’s most cherished freedoms–the right to get way fucked up.    

The threat is so serious that Michael and Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s “parents”, have toyed with the idea of combining forces for their mutual profit and if time and circumstances permit, to make a passable effort at saving their daughter’s life.      

Promethean Times wonders how Lindsay will regard this difficult period in her life when she contemplates it at thirty or thirty-five.   Will she be ashamed of her 2010 antics, or will she embrace them as necessary steps in her development into self-confident maturity?   

Last Round, Coming Up

Ha Ha!  Just kidding about that.  Lindsay’s never gonna see thirty.

Obama Dismisses Health Rumors As ‘Scaremongering’

21 Friday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in General Foolishness, Health, National Events, National Politics, People, Politics, Satire, Scandal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Barack Obama, denial, scaremongering, stroke

By Smaktakula

In an effort to quell the persistent whisper campaign in Washington, President Obama was forced to address the charges head on.  According to the President:

“Contrary to rumors you may have heard, no one in my administration has recently suffered a stroke.  And no, there is no cover up.”

Obama blamed the rumors on Republicans, and expressed his hope that the matter might now be put to rest.

Sound As A Dollar

Some Portion Of Charlie Sheen’s Brain Miraculously Unravaged By Syphilis

19 Wednesday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, People, Relationships, Satire, Television

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

career limbo, Charlie Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, drunkard, Emilio's wasted brother, Hot Shots!, lout, Post-Haim Era, sot, syphilis, The French Disease, Two and a Half Men, vast wasteland, wastrel, wind-up monkey

Despicable wife-beater and inebriate Charlie Sheen has wisely chosen to stick with his awful show.         

Promethean Times applauds Mr. Sheen’s decision to follow our advice.  Furthermore, we would like to remind readers that it couldn’t have been easy for the once-promising actor to accept the grim fact that, barring an improbably lucrative string of Hot Shots! and Wall Street sequels, he is destined to forever remain the Vast Wasteland’s bitch.           

WARNING: Staring Too Long At This Photo May Result In A Case Of The Crotch Lobsters.

Watch The Wind-Up Monkey Of The Post-Haim Era Continue To Bang Away: Charlie Sheen Returning to Two and a Half Men – PEOPLE TV Watch.           

Smaktakula

Vicious Mauling Leaves ‘Sesame Street’ Cast Member In Critical Condition

05 Wednesday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Humor, People, Relationships, Satire, Scandal, Television

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Abby Cadabby, Baby Bear, Children's Television Workshop, I love to count!, lisping retard, mauling, Omle, Pat Robertson, PBS, PETA, Sesame Street, speech impediment, violent celebrities

By Smaktakula

Children’s television star Abigail “Abby” Cadabby is in critical condition tonight following an on-set mauling.  A featured player on PBS’ Sesame Street, Cadabby is expected to survive the attack, but the future of her career remains up in the air, as do her prospects for ever flying again under her own power.

The Victim

The incident occurred on-set sometime after 2:00 PM this afternoon.  Hard facts are still elusive, but according to eye-witnesses, Cadabby was mauled by co-worker, Whitman “Baby” Bear.  Children’s Television Police Department would not confirm that Bear was a suspect in Cadabby’s mauling.  However, a source with the CTPD confirms that Bear has been taken into custody.

Portions of the 911 call have been released:

Operator: Please sir, you’re going to have to speak more slowly.

Caller:  {Unintelligible noises which may be chewing}

Operator: Sir, officers are on the way.  I need you to calm down.

Caller: {shouting} Me am calm!

Operator: That’s good, Sir.  Please, tell me what you see.

Caller:  Me see blood!  Me see blood! {someone screaming in background} Me see blood all over Hooper’s.  All over the cookies!  {sobbing}

The line remained open, and a second witness eventually came on the line.  Here are some of the transcripts from that conversation.

Caller:  Yes, it is very bad.  Abby is screaming.  She has been bitten many times.  Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Operator:  Can you see how many times she’s been bitten?

Caller: Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Operator: Sir, I–

Caller:  I see one bite.  One bite on Abby.

Operator:  So that’s one–

Caller:  Two bites, I see two bites on Abby.  Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Operator: So it’s two bites.

Caller:  Three bites, I see three bites on Abby.

Operator:  So is it two or–

Caller:  I love to count!  Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Operator:  I can appreciate that, Sir, but–

Caller: Four!  I see four bites on Abby.  Ah-ah-ah-ah.

The call goes on like this for seventeen minutes.

There have been several theories behind the vicious attack.  Televangelist Pat Robertson opined that the mauling was “Clear proof that bears have no souls.”  This is not the first time Robertson has angered some members of the Ursine-American community.  Ultimately, Robertson blamed Cadabby, saying of the critically injured troll-fairy, “I’m praying that Ms. Cadabby makes a full recovery, and hope that she’ll see how her repeated use of witchcraft brought this mauling upon her.”

PETA spokesman Jeff Meriwether calls Robertson’s statements “irresponsible.”  Said Meriwether, “It’s a classic case of blaming the victim.  The Children’s Television Workshop is clearly to blame here.  Mr. Bear is–and I can’t stress this enough–a wild animal.  Keeping him on set under those lights for fourteen hours a day was asking for something like this.  It’s a testament to Mr. Bear that this didn’t happen earlier.”

Baby Bear: A History Of Violence Toward Women

While the whole truth may never be known, some sources close to both Cadabby and Bear tell of a long-standing feud between the two performers.  According to one source, who asked to be identified only as ‘Omle,’ Cadabby may have been provoking Bear in the moments leading up to the attack.

{Omle} saw the whole thing.  {Omle} was taping {Omle}’s segment, {Omle}’s World, but Mr. Producer made {Omle} stop because Abby and Baby were making so much noise yelling at each other.  It made {Omle} sad.

Then {Omle} heard Abby call Baby a ‘Lisping Retard.’  Then {Omle} could only hear the screaming.

'Omle'

Whatever truth, if any, finally emerges from this sad episode, it’s clear that the lives of two very talented performers–one clinging to life in a hospital bed, the other cooling his metaphorical heels in the county lockup–will never be the same.

Natural Selection On Display Within Somali Pirate Community

14 Wednesday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Africa, Crime, Culture, Food, Health, Humor, International Relations, Justice, Military, Satire, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

buccaneers, corsairs, Emil Haagerdäddi, freebooters, Horn of Africa, maritime trade, natural selection, piracy, pirate community, pirates, scurvologists, slackjawed halfwits, Somali pirates, Somalia, Stupid Gene

By Smaktakula

The waters surrounding the Horn of Africa have long served as the historic hunting grounds of Somali pirates.  In the face of such diverse threats as globalization and climate change, the proud Somali buccaneers fight diligently to maintain their way of life.   Now, they may be aiding scientists to better understand how natural selection works in a real-life environment.

Recently, observers of the Somali pirate ecosystem have discovered a disturbing trend.  While most Somali pirates choose as their victims vulnerable vessels which command high ransoms, an increasing number of Somali pirates are attacking navy vessels in seemingly futile actions which almost always result in the pirates’ death or capture.  On the surface this sort of behavior would appear to be so moronic and assbackward as to threaten the Somali pirate community’s very existence.  In actuality, it is this phenomenon which keeps the community vibrant and healthy.

No Country For Old Men: Aging Pirates Like Simon (Above) Can't Afford To Retire

These are rough times for African corsairs.  An increasing number of young men are choosing the time-honored profession, but older pirates are clinging to their jobs, unwilling to trust in the Elderly Somali Pirate Fund, available to those venerable cutthroats who live long enough to reach retirement age at twenty-eight.  At the same time, maritime traffic around the Horn of Africa–a primary source of a Somali pirate’s livelihood–is becoming more scarce.  Compounding the pirates’ woes, those ships which do travel African waters are increasingly well-armed.

Enter the miracle of Natural Selection.  When there are too many pirates in relation to available plunder, nature ensures that the fittest and wiliest pirates live to produce numerous offspring, while pirates with less-favorable attributes are often killed before they can sire more than six or seven young.

His Favorable Genetic Characteristics Ensure A Life Of Swag, Booty and Wenches Wenches Wenches!

For years, scientists have theorized about a possible ‘Stupid Gene’ in humans.  Now, with a seemingly greater number of Somali pirates acting like idiots, scurvologists (maritime piracy scientists) believe they have their proof.  ‘Stupid Gene’ theory postulates that during times of abundance and lack of adversity, the so-called ‘Stupid Gene’ (DDD) rarely manifests.

Stupid Gene proponents claim that the situation in Coastal East Africa demonstrates the soundness of the theory.  Says Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, a senior fellow at The East Africa Maritime Council, an Omaha, Nebraska-based think tank.

You’ll notice that during the times of abundance–when there are a lot of poorly-defended ships in East African waters, we see fewer pirate casualties.

The really interesting thing is when there are fewer ships off the Horn, and a greater presence of well-armed naval vessels on the lookout for pirates, we’re seeing a lot more dead pirates.  We believe that pirates who exhibit DDD {the ‘Stupid Gene’} are the ones attacking the naval vessels and getting slaughtered for it.

But in this way, healthier and stronger pirates reap the rewards of plunder, and pass on their superior genes to generations of freebooters yet unborn, thus making the community as a whole stronger.  It’s quite beautiful, really.

The 'Stupid Gene': Kind Of A Bummer, But Necessary For The Greater Good

Presumably it’s not as beautiful for those pirates afflicted with DDD, scores of whom perish each month at the hands of navy personnel or well-armed merchant seamen.  Dr. Haagerdäddi counters, “No one cares what stupid people think.”

But scientists do care how stupid people act.  If further scientific research does uncover proof of a ‘Stupid Gene,’ it will go a long way toward answering questions which have for centuries bedeviled philosophers, social scientists and other observers of slackjawed halfwits.

Diddy-Spawn Rocks Vegas Like A Tween Pop Idol

05 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Music, People, Relationships, Satire

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

birthday, Diddy, Diddy's son, Las Vegas, Puffy, Sean Combs, Sin City, Spawn of Diddy

To celebrate his son’s birthday, rapper/mogul/fashionista Sean “The Artist Formerly Known As Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy and Not-Yet Formerly Known As Diddy” Combs threw a three-day Vegas bash for the Diddlet and his entourage of overindulged brats.             

Despite the many exciting activities for the pre-teen set in Sin City, doubtless the highlight of the evening for the birthday boy was the rare chance to see his father, who breezed in for a photo-op.  According to sources it was the youngster’s ” Best birthday present ever!”    

The younger Diddy is said to have asked for the same gift next year.           

To which the boy’s father indulgently replied, “We’ll see.”         

Hard To Top Last Year's Present: Three Hours With Dad

The Gilded Life Of A Diddlet: Birthday Bling: Diddy’s Son Celebrates 12th With Vegas Bash.             

Smaktakula

Share With Facebook

← Older posts

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People
  • People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier
  • The Pros And Cons Of Your Girlfriend's Gay Friend
  • Snowboarder's Empire Could Go Up In Smoke
  • Incest: On The Other Hand...
  • This Day In Alternate History: Yoko Ono Slain
  • The Silent Reckoning
  • Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong Champion Of Tolerance

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

  • Teachable Moments prometheantimes.com/2015/10/15/tea… http://t.co/QFzhCOBHaO 7 years ago
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight prometheantimes.com/2015/10/01/the… http://t.co/lY6IVUWzYV 7 years ago
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’ prometheantimes.com/2015/09/23/my-… http://t.co/izgO4yJppn 7 years ago
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/08/17/she… http://t.co/0svsAHygLs 7 years ago
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/07/31/wel… http://t.co/tvFvovXjTX 7 years ago
Follow @prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

February 2023
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728  
« Oct    

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim on People Actually Believe That?…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
tomsimard on Sadly, Anne Heche Still L…
Smaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Anonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…

Tardsie D. Bagg

Smaktakula

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Promethean Times
    • Join 459 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Promethean Times
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...