Tags
Danny Wood, Donnie Wahlberg, former child stars, Generation MILF, hairless hit factory, Joey McIntyre, Jonathan Knight, Jordan Knight, Justin Bieber, New Kids Forever! Still Hangin' Tough Baby!, New Kids on the Block, NKOTB, nostalgia acts, stars of yesteryear, stupid shit little girls like, Where Are They Now?
By Smaktakula
Two decades ago America’s arenas were jammed with pubescent girls screaming for the manufactured teenybop that only New Kids on the Block could offer. The screaming has long since died away, and many of those young fans now have children of their own. And perhaps when her own daughter rhapsodically details the myriad virtues of the hairless hit factory Justin Bieber, now and then one of those former fans will spare a moment to think of those long-ago idols, wondering whatever became of those five boys from Boston.
NKOTB Has Retooled Its Sound For Generation MILF.
After recasting themselves as NKOTB in 1993, the boys attempted a comeback. NKOTB’s song Keep on Smilin’ appeared on the soundtrack to the killer whale opus, Free Willy, which the boys hoped would revive their flagging fan base. Sadly, much like the film’s titular orca, it appeared the New Kids’ career was destined for the business end of a Japanese harpoon, ultimately to be devoured alongside some salaryman’s ramen.*
- Joey!
- Donnie!
- The Other Three!
Hangin' Tough On The High Seas: Not Only Will The Boys From Boston Perform, They'll Also Clean Your Cabin And Press Your Pants.
For those fans seeking the ultimate NKOTB experience, we recommend joining the lads on an intimate four-day Caribbean Cruise. This opportunity is a godsend for those women on the verge of middle age who always wanted to score with a New Kid, but thought the opportunity forever beyond their reach. Remember ladies, with their multi-platinum heyday two decades gone, they’re not nearly as picky these days.
#14? Mr. McIntyre Will See You Now.
Promethean Times 
Are they auditioning for a possible third installment in the franchise? NMIBOTB: New Men In Black On The Block
Wow! Two shitty tastes that taste shitty together!
I understand the joys of mixing semi-fact with total bullshit—in fact, if you ask me, that’s one of the best things about the internet—but I hope to God you’re making up the fact that the New Kids on the Block haven’t all been eaten by grizzly bears.
I remember reading or hearing somewhere, as a high school-aged Some Guy, the notion that the New Kids on the Block were on par with the Beatles. Probably the first time I ever experienced the feeling of insane murderous rage.
You’re partially right–three of the New Kids (Not Donnie or Joey) were killed by bears back in 1998. They have subsequently been replaced by Art Garfunkel, Ringo Starr and John Oates.