• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Daily Archives: September 23, 2010

Paris Hilton Ja-Banned

23 Thursday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, Stupidity

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

anti-skank bigotry, bigotry, celebriskanks, cocaine, drugs, famous for nothing, Free Tibet!, Gaijin Skank!, Hilton Hotels, Ja-Ban, Japan, Japanese economy, Japanese immigration policy, Land of the Rising Sun, Las Vegas, Nevada, Paris Hilton, persona non grata, skankery, skankism, skanks, skonks, untalented stars, We're aware that the captivity of Tibet has fuck all to do with Japan, well-known whores

By Smaktakula

Japan can now include itself among the growing list of nations officially discriminating against skanks.  The Land of the Rising Sun has gone dark for strumpets: Paris Hilton is persona non grata in Japan.

In Much The Same Way As It Did Throughout Asia 75 Years Ago, This Symbol Strikes Fear In The Hearts Of Skanks Across The Globe.

Representatives of Japan’s immigration service claim that Hilton’s ban is a result of her recent guilty plea to cocaine possession in Las Vegas.  These officials are quick to point out that their decision to impose a Ja-Ban on Hilton was not only appropriate, but required by Japanese law.

However, pro-skank activists (skanktivists) contend that the law is a smokescreen which allows Japan legal sanction to carry out its anti-skank agenda.

“We’re trying to tell the world what’s going on in Japan,” says ‘Cody,’ a skonk who declined to give his real name, “The amount of ignorance on the part of the public is really disturbing.  We’re educating people, but at the same time putting pressure on Japan to not only turn away from its growing culture of skankism, but also calling on the Japanese Government to free Tibet.”

Paris, What The Hell Are You Doing? Oh. Ha Ha, No. When We Said 'Blow' We Meant Cocaine. Heh. But Thanks. No, Really--We're Good.

An immigration official was asked in light of Hilton’s Ja-Ban, whether her family’s hotel chain would also be forced out of the country.  The official replied:

“A question both so ridiculous and inane shames not only the speaker, but also those unfortunate enough to hear it.  Having said that, the Hilton Chain is a small, but important part of the Japanese economy–over three million people spend the night in Hilton Hotels every year.  Even in a good year Ms. Hilton might service only half that many.”

Paris, an innocent pawn in a game much bigger than herself, was typically upbeat when informed that she would not be allowed into Japan: “I’m going back home, and I look forward to coming back to Japan in the future,” she said.

Like Fuck You Will, Gaijin Skank!

Historical Figures With Unfortunate Nicknames: ‘Black Dick’ Howe

23 Thursday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

1st Earl Howe, Admiral Richard Howe, American Revolution, Black Dick, crotch rot, Great Britain, Lord Howe, Prince Harry, Prince William, Royal Navy, Rum Buggery & The Lash, STDs, Tunisian Tart, unfortunate nicknames, United Kingdom, venereal disease, War for American Independence, War with the Colonies

By Smaktakula

Admiral Richard Howe, the 1st Earl Howe (1726-1799), led a distinguished and remarkable life. Taking to the sea at an early age, Howe fought for Great Britain in many Eighteenth Century conflicts, including the War for American Independence.  Today, Lord Howe’s name is immortalized in ships and towns throughout the remaining rump of the British Empire.  Prince William, England’s future king, and his loutish brother Harry number among Howe’s descendants.

Despite so much good luck and historical recognition (Britain’s near-success against the rebellious colonies notwithstanding), Howe will forever be burdened by the odious sobriquet: Black Dick.

Beyond The Black: In Later Years Lord Howe Had To Hold The Damned Thing In Place If He Didn't Want To Make A Scene.

Are you kids sure you want to hear the story of how Grandpa got his nickname again?  You’ve heard this a million times.
Oh, all right, then.
Once, when your grandpa was a wee lad, not much older than yourselves, he met a tart from Tunisia . . .

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • The Red Danube
  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People
  • People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier
  • Mark Wahlberg Is Nothing Without The Funky Bunch. Nothing!
  • Mullets Are Slightly Less Heinous Than Fauxhawks

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

  • Teachable Moments prometheantimes.com/2015/10/15/tea… http://t.co/QFzhCOBHaO 6 years ago
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight prometheantimes.com/2015/10/01/the… http://t.co/lY6IVUWzYV 6 years ago
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’ prometheantimes.com/2015/09/23/my-… http://t.co/izgO4yJppn 6 years ago
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/08/17/she… http://t.co/0svsAHygLs 6 years ago
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/07/31/wel… http://t.co/tvFvovXjTX 6 years ago
Follow @prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

September 2010
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug   Oct »

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim on People Actually Believe That?…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
tomsimard on Sadly, Anne Heche Still L…
Smaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Anonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…

Tardsie D. Bagg

Smaktakula

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Promethean Times
    • Join 509 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Promethean Times
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar