Daily Archives: September 24, 2010

Revealed: The Real Reason Sesame Street Pulled The Katy Perry Apperance

24 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by in Celebrity, Music, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

The children’s television show Sesame Street has been a hot topic since the show’s producers decided to pull a controversial segment featuring singer Katy Perry. Children’s Television Workshop defended the action, noting that its executive board had reconsidered the segment after receiving a volume of negative feedback.  Parents and youth advocacy groups are said to regard Perry’s plunging neckline as too racy for the children’s show.

The major media outlets all dutifully ran the story, relaying the information the show’s producers had fed them.  However, according to an insider who spoke to Promethean Times on the condition of anonymity, the story about Perry’s revealing outfit was “just so much fluff.”  The source claims that the segment was axed to protect the show’s wholesome reputation after news of an affair between Perry and a Sesame Street cast member became public.

Said the insider:

“Everybody knew what was going on. Ah-ah-ah.  We could hear her moaning in her dressing room all the way from the main stage.  Ah-ah-ah.  It was disgusting.  She moaned one time.  Ah-ah-ah.  She moaned two times.  Ah-ah-ah.  She moaned three times.  Ah-ah-ah.

Do you want me to keep going?  Because it goes on for a while, and if you have not heard, I love to count. Ah-ah-ah.”

"So Then Elmo Sees Katy For The First Time, And Elmo Says, 'Damn, Bitch! Elmo Hasn't Seen Your Fine Ass Around Here Before.' She Was All Like, 'Whatever,' But Elmo Was Like, 'Ho, Let Elmo Lay Some Truth On You: Elmo Is Gonna Tap That Ass Within The Hour. Straight Up.'"

‘Cause It’s Elmo’s World, Beyotch!

Corrupt Afghan Despot Revealed To Be Complete Nutbag

24 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by in Celebrity, News, Politics

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By Smaktakula

Crazy? Crazy Like A Fox. A Fox That's Really, Really Crazy.

Investigative reporter Bob Woodward’s soon-to-be-published book, Obama’s War, contains a number of revelations which may be embarrassing for the Obama administration.  One such embarrassing detail has nothing at all to do with President Obama or the United States, but concerns an important, if odious ally: corrupt Afghan despot Hamid Karzai.

Obama’s War confirms the long-standing rumors that in addition to being despotic, treacherous and short, Karzai is straight-up crazy.

Mr. Popcorn

24 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by in Culture, Science, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

If you’re one of the millions of people around the world who love the smell of buttery popcorn, then you owe a great deal of thanks to an unnamed Colorado man who learned a very hard lesson on your behalf.

Popcorn: It Would Be Called 'The Silent Killer' If Not For That Loud Popping Sound It Makes.

Around 2007, the man went to his doctor complaining of breathing difficulties.  Tests revealed extensive lung damage of a kind typically exhibited by workers in industrial or agricultural facilities.  The man’s ailment was initially a mystery, and a variety of theories were put forth and discarded until finally the culprit was identified.

This man liked microwave popcorn.  He liked it a lot.  The man confessed to the doctors that he’d eaten at least two bags a day for at least a decade.  The Colorado man said of himself, “I am Mr. Popcorn. I love popcorn.” Unsurprisingly, he was overweight.

Lest any popcorn-chawing members of the Cadre Promethean worry, it wasn’t the eating of microwave popcorn that proved to be Mr. Popcorn’s nemesis.  No, he loved the rich buttery smell of the sweet, sweet maize so much that he would put his face into the bag like a horse with its feed and inhale deeply before eating.

Corn Huffing Is Cool At First, But It Quickly Becomes Your Life.

At the time, most brands of microwave popcorn contained diacetyl, a chemical which adds extra yumminess to the buttery flavor.  However, diacetyl is toxic when inhaled, leading to diacetyl-induced bronchiolitis obliterans, known more simply by the much-cooler term “Popcorn Worker’s Lung.”  Mr. Popcorn had managed to contract a disease heretofore only known in the popcorn industry.

It is difficult to imagine what Mr. Popcorn must be going through.  But according to one of the physicians who worked with him, Dr. Cecile Rose, his debilitating condition was the furthest thing from his mind.  As always, he was focused on the hot, buttery goodness of exploded corn kernels.  Said Dr. Rose, “He was really upset that he couldn’t have it anymore.”

"A Day Without Popcorn Is A Day Without Sunshine."