Daily Archives: September 17, 2010

Drug Lord Comes To Regret Ridiculous Nickname

17 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by in Celebrity, Crime, Culture

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By Smaktakula

American-born criminal Edgar Valdez Villarreal rose quickly through the ranks of the Mexican underworld to become a lieutenant for one of the cartels.  When cartel head Arturo Beltrán Leyva was slaughtered by Navy commandos in December of 2009, the resourceful young thug waged a bloody war against various other cartel factions in an effort to seize control of the operation.  His bid came to an end in August of 2010 when he was captured by Mexican authorities.       

Now the reputed criminal is seeking extradition to his native United States, fearing for his safety in Mexico.  This is no doubt warranted.  Mexican jails are infamous for their deplorable conditions and the innumerable degradations inmates must endure.  How much worse must it be for a pretty boy called La Barbie?       

"El Coyote Negro? El Chupacabra? Menudo Caliente? Man, I Really Should Have Put More Thought Into My Nickname."

Come On Barbie, Let’s Go Party!

Boy, Is My Face Red!

17 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by in Crime, News, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

Basket case Bethany Storro came to the public’s attention last week when she claimed to be the victim of a shocking assault.  The 28-year old Vancouver, Wa. resident said that a mysterious assailant threw acid in her face.   

Authorities initially believed Storro, since she did not claim her assailant was the “mysterious black man” of so many fake assaults.  She threw a curveball to police when she suggested that her attacker was a mysterious black woman!   

Despite Her Injuries, Storro Attempts To Lead A Normal Life.

Storro’s clever, race-baiting mendacity notwithstanding, the police eventually grew suspicious.  After repeated questioning, the woman admitted that she had doused acid on her own face, necessitating surgery.   

A police representative said that all things considered, Storro was actually very fortunate.  “For Bethany to have survived for twenty-eight years now is really something special, especially given what a complete and utter moron she is. ”  

Splashing Yourself In The Face With Acid As A Ploy For Attention May Seem Like A Good Idea, But In Many Instances It Is Not.