Tags
bipedal Boston terriers, birthday, birthday parties, British study, children, creepy, creepy eye, exclusionary policy, goofy eye, Japanese Chin, kids can be little bastards sometimes, lovable scamp, models, Mr. Magoo, normals, not evil just creepy, persecution, prejudice, ruined birthday parties, squint, squinter, squinty, squinty models, strabismus, United Kingdom, United States of America, walleyed
By Smaktakula
Not THAT Kind Of Squint! This Lovable Scamp Is Welcome At Our Birthday Party. We'll Be Putting Away The Breakables.
A recent British study revealed an heretofore undiscovered class of persecuted citizen: the squinty-eyed. Although the term “squint” has gained popularity in the United Kingdom, it refers to the condition known as strabismus, where one of the eyes points a different direction when the other is looking forward. Called “Creep Eye” or “Goofy Eye” in the United States, squint is evinced in about 1 in 20 children.
Kid, Don't You Know That Your Eye Will Stay That Way If You . . .What? . . . Oh My God, We're So, So Sorry. You're Beautiful Just The Way God Made You.
A British study of children ages 3-12 determined that if given a choice between inviting one of these bipedal Boston terriers to their birthday party or instead inviting a Normal, children overwhelmingly chose to exclude the child with squints. Scientists are not surprised.
Thanks To Growing Societal Acceptance, Squinty Models Can Now Get Work.
Neither is this US mother, ‘Deborah,’ who asked that her real name not be used.
I don’t have anything against those unfortunate children. I had a cousin who was . . . like that. Well, maybe she still is–we haven’t spoken in years. And it’s not that I don’t think they should go to birthday parties, because I think all children should experience at least one birthday party in their lives.
Would she invite a squinter to her child’s birthday party?
Look, I’m not a bad person, okay? But on {Jonathan’s} special day–I just can’t bear the thought of him trying to eat his cake, while across the table is one of those . . . those children. As if it’s all perfectly normal.
Well, it’s not normal! It’s not!
Fortunately ‘Deborah’s’ attitudes do not represent the larger facet of modern society. As the world becomes more aware of the walleyed, it will embrace them into the warm and welcoming bosom of humanity.
Dude, You Should Totally Invite Him. Always Eager To Please, Squinty Kids Bring The Coolest Presents.
Just as long as they don’t watch us while we’re eating. That’s really creepy.
Promethean Times 
I thought it was the stink eye…just saying……perhaps I have been improperly taunting these type of people for a lot of years! Thanks PT for setting me straight,so that I may taunt those less fortunate than me properly!!! 🙂 God love ya!!!
Thanks, Shannon! Just as Eskimos are said to have a zillion different words for snow (we don’t know if that’s true, but that’s never stopped us from repeating something and presenting it as fact), humanity has a number of different terms for the squint. Sometimes being an insensitive asshole (or bitch) is about going with your gut, and not your head. If using the term “stink eye” is how you cope with the squinty without screaming yourself into the madhouse, then we say, YOU GO GIRL!