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By Smaktakula

The Outgoing President Expressed Regret That He Was Unable To Fulfill His Mission To Plunder The Nation's Coffers.

Closure comes today to the months-long standoff in Ivory Coast as forces loyal to UN-backed President Alassane Ouattara arrested former President Laurent Gbagbo, who had been steadfastly refusing to leave office.  The outgoing president is said to be in good spirits following his capture, although suitably embarrassed that his regime is the first in living memory to be successfully toppled by French troops.

With the electoral crisis resolved, this augurs to be a time of healing for the small African nation.  Ivorians are looking forward to a euphoric and all-too-brief honeymoon of high expectations before Ouattara regime transitions to a more traditional leadership role and begins to liquidate the country’s resources while engaging in the slaughter of his enemies.

"This Is A Time To Put Away Anger And Come Together As Ivorians. When The UN Leaves--Only Then Can We Begin The Wholesale Killings."