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Daily Archives: April 8, 2011

K-Fed, Serial Impregnator

08 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, News, Stupidity

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Tags

baby daddy, Britney Spears, career death by K-Fed, famous for nothing, haters gonna hate, K-Fed, Kevin Federline, professional baby daddy, Rebecca Black, serial impregnator, Shar Jackson, untalented stars, Victoria Prince, white trash

By Smaktakula
Kevin Federline Picture

"I Have This Many Childrens Now!" Good Try, Kev--You Got A Little Closer That Time.

Professional baby-daddy Kevin ‘K-Fed’ Federline has likely spawned his fifth child according to a source close to the expectant mother, former professional volleyball player Victoria Prince.  K-Fed’s brood currently includes two children with actress Shar Jackson and a pair with white trash survivor Britney Spears.

Say What You Will About The Man, But No Shortage Of Reasonably Attractive Women Are Willing To Sleep With Him.

Of the many roles K-Fed has played over the years (backup dancer, rap artist, career-killer) none appears to satisfy him as much as fatherhood, particularly since siring children is the only activity for which he has shown any measurable aptitude.  It’s a safe bet that K-Fed will continue to knock ladies up for years to come, so long as there remains at least one kind soul who will let him do it.

Who Will Be Next? "You Like Fridays? NO WAY!--I Like Fridays, Too!"

Bonus: K-Fed’s immortal ‘Popozão.’

That shit is fire, we assure you.
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão!

Herpes Horror At Berlin Zoo

08 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, News

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Tags

animal husbandry, Berlin, Berlin Zoo, childish sexual innuendo, elephant, Germany, Germany's dark history, herpes, Knut, polar bear, Shaina Pali, Teutons, ursine, venereal disease

By Smaktakula

Cute Little Bugger, Isn't He? Sadly, He's Dead Now.

All is not well at the Berlin Zoo, where recently two high-profile animals have met mysterious–and bizarre–deaths.  This is an embarrassment to the Germans, and a source of concern for animal-lovers around the world

The first casualty was Knut, the zoo’s biggest attraction.  The beloved Polar Bear lived a hard life in his four short years.  He was rejected by his mother at birth, but quickly taken to the warm and accepting bosom of the German people.  Recently, however, fans were shocked when the adorable ursine dove into the moat around his enclosure, never to surface.  The polar bear only a Teuton could love died of what is being called an infection.

Historically, The Germans Have Had A Hard Time Keeping Sentient Beings Alive In Captivity.

Following close on the paws of Knut’s demise came the sad news that another animal had died. Shaina Pali, a six-year-old Indian elephant,  was found dead by her trainer recently when he came to check on her at 7:00 AM.  Autopsy reports showed that she had likely died of elephant herpes, which is particularly pernicious in pachyderms.  The last person to see her before she died was new assistant trainer, Rolf ‘Cold Sore’ Stussenhimmel, who confirms that the creature appeared to be in good health when he last saw her, and moreover was in “a very good mood.”

Shaina Pali Poses With A Shrieking Barn Rat In This Undated Photo.

Hopefully the mysterious animal deaths at the Berlin Zoo will stop with Shaina Pali.  However, even if they do, something not-quite-mended has again been broken, and the German reputation for rigorously upholding the sanctity of all forms of life seriously impugned.

"I See Dead Animals."

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