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Daily Archives: April 4, 2011

Charlie Sheen Downgraded From ‘Douchebag’ Status In Light Of Illness

04 Monday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Music, Stupidity

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

batshit crazy, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen is batshit crazy, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, Chicago, death by Special Fred, Detroit, douchebaggery, dweebs, geeks, Illinois, LARPers, mental illness, mental illness is not funny, Michigan, My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Death is Not an Option, nerds, Special Fred, Special Olympics, the Warlock, trainwrecks, winning

By Smaktakula

Seriously, Charlie Isn't Even Trying To Make It Difficult For Us Anymore.

After lengthy consultations with prominent physicians, lawyers and spiritual advisors, Promethean Times has agreed to conditionally rescind Charlie Sheen’s douchebag status.  The doomed former television personality’s obvious mental illness likely indicates a complete lack of control over his own life and career, both of which are in freefall.

Possibly the only individual in the Western World not fully cognizant of the pathetic nature of the actor’s plight is the Warlock himself.  The toothless cretin received a warm reaction from a Chicago audience during staging of his spectacle, My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Death is Not an Option, despite being nearly booed off the stage at the debut in Detroit.

Also Called 'The Warlock,' But He Had The Name First. If You Don't Believe Him, As His Mom. She Worked On The Costume.

Along with thousands and perhaps millions of other publications, Promethean Times has repeatedly mocked Sheen in the past.  We’re going to try really hard not to do so in the future.

Seemingly overnight, picking on Charlie Sheen has become like heckling an athlete at the Special Olympics.  Sure, it seems like a good idea, and it’s pretty easy to do–but it leaves you spiritually untethered and consumed with bitter self-loathing.

"Dude, You Were Warned To Stop Saying That Shit. Now Freddy's Gonna Have To Make You Bleed."

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