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Daily Archives: April 1, 2011

Hateful Attire Incites Violence

01 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Sport

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Alyssa Milano, assault, Baseball, bigotry, burning the Koran, Emil Haagerdäddi, good steward of the environment, Koran, Los Angeles Dodgers, Major League Baseball, Nathan Bedford Forrest, obsessive sports fans, San Francisco Giants, Smaktakula's hatred of the San Francisco Giants, violence

By Smaktakula

You Wouldn't Sport A Swastika In A Synagogue, Would You?

Chavez Ravine: Yesterday, an unidentified man was given an impromptu lesson in sensitivity after parading around Dodger Stadium in offensive clothing.  In what can only be viewed as a hate-statement, the gentleman is alleged to have been conspicuously displaying articles of clothing bearing the logo of the San Francisco Giants.  Such apparel is not only considered deeply offensive to fans of the Los Angeles Dodgers, but also ritually unclean.

What the man hoped to achieve with this bizarre and provocative act is unclear, but it did attract attention.  Things came to a head when two Dodger fans, possibly attempting to protect their womenfolk from the offensive barrage, found their tormentor and two companions drinking chardonnay spritzers, each politely arguing his own case as the best steward of the environment.

Nathan Bedford Forrest With A Filthy Curve.

The man’s two fair-weather friends are also thought to be San Francisco Giants fans due to the rapidity with which they fled the scene, leaving their companion to his own just desserts.  He was roundly beaten.

“I don’t know what else this man–we’ll call him Bruce Smith-Smythe–expected,” says Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, a baseball statipscychologist, “This was an unconscionable act that demonstrates how easily Freedom of Speech can be abused.  Much like Koran-burning and the understandable mayhem it incites, this incident teaches us that there are limits to freedom.”

"Be Not Afraid Of The Enemy, My Son. Should He Strike You Down, Your Heavenly Reward Will Be 72 Alyssa Milanos."

Haagerdäddi claims that ‘Smith-Smythe’ never had a chance.  “Although Giants fans have on average a twenty-point advantage in IQ relative to Dodger fans, and tend to make a whole lot more money, it’s just tough for them to get past that nagging ‘pussy’ factor.”

Whether or not he intended it, the provocative pantywaist was shown the pain words can inflict.  There are some who will say that the bigot got off lightly, and there is validity in this contention.  But if even one Giant fan learns from this incident and is able to conquer his hate, then perhaps it will have been worth it.

That Is So Last Year.

TripoliWatch 2011: Time Out!

01 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in News, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

anti-semitism, cease-fire, comical despots, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, NATO, places that suck, rebels, sand, that trick never works, Tripoli, United States of America

By Smaktakula

The brave rabble comprising the Libyan resistance* has been forced to reconfigure its anti-Gaddafi strategy when inclement weather forced the United States to temporarily withdraw its forces and discontinue airstrikes.  The rebels have proposed a cease-fire, in the hopes that the unrepentant sand-despot will agree to hold off attacks until the United States’ airpower can be once again be brought to bear against government forces.

"Oh Yeah, That's Totally A Great Idea, Guy. I'll Tell You What, Get Everybody In One Place--Squeeze In Tight, Now--And I Not Only Will Make A Cease-Fire Announcement, But I'll Also Be Serving Cake And Punch."

*Fun Fact: One in five Libyan rebels oppose Gaddafi because they believe him to be Jewish. ∞T.

Your Money Now Belongs To Don King

01 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

death by Don King, Don King, extortion, Mike Tyson, money for nothing

By Smaktakula

If you have an annuity or structured settlement, and fight promoter/shady character Don King appears from nowhere to demand “financious recompense for services rendered both peripheratical and incidentical, but by no means inconsequensious,” just cut him a check.  It’s already too late for you.

"Mithter King Got Me All Thith Money. All I Had To Do Wath Beat The Crap Out Of Thum Guy, And Mithter King Only Took Forty Perthent."

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