Tags
bloated floater, blueberry Thai, Brown Trout!, cannabis, death by drowning, Deliverance, dope, Fall River, grass, hemp, lifeguards, Marie Joseph, marijuana, Massachusetts, police, pot, Sean Connery, stoners, stupid people, sweet sweet cheeba, weed, Why am I so stupid?, you got a real purty mouth
By Smaktakula
A Kitschy Curiosity In Your Fish Tank; An Unspeakable Horror In Your Pool.
There is something uniquely cathartic in the stories of those knuckle-dragging subhumans whose idiocy staggers belief, allowing us to bask in the knowledge that no matter how wretched we are or bereft entirely of common sense, there’s someone out there who makes us look like geniuses. For the insecure morons of the world, the news just gets better–there’s a whole town out there way stupider than you. Welcome to Fall River, Massachusetts.
They May Not Be Competent, Intelligent Or Physically Fit, But The Special Cops In The FRPD Always Try Real Hard, And That's What Counts.
It was tragic, but hardly unusual when 36-year-old Marie Joseph drowned last week at a Fall River community pool; drowning deaths claim a jillion lives each year. However, what sets the mouth-breathing folk of Fall River from rank-and-file morons is the manner in which they dealt with this unpleasant situation.
Try The Blueberry Thai: You'll See The Floating Bodies, But You Just Won't Care.
They didn’t. Joseph’s corpse floated unnoticed in the punishing summer sun for a full two days until someone realized that 48 hours is a hell of a long time to hold your breath. It’s unclear why Joseph’s death was not reported by the group with whom she came to the pool, but police caution against a rush to judgement of any kind, admitting that the people of Fall River are drooling lackwits who make the hillbillies from Deliverance seem like the 1960s Sean Connery by comparison, and that it may be some time before answers are forthcoming.
Hey Stinky--When I Say 'Marco,' You Say 'Polo,' Okay? Okay. MARCO! MARCO! Dude, Are You Sure You've Played This Before?
Still, the public should draw confidence from this ghastly event rather than worry. While it’s certainly astounding that this collection of intellectual houseplants managed to ignore a water-bloated floater for a couple days, it certainly makes the stoned lifeguards at your own community pool seem that much more competent.
The Brown Trout: Even Grosser Than A Bloated Floater.
Promethean Times 
Like a pool party at Tommy Lee’s house.
Brown trout! Haven’t heard that one in awhile. It makes me wonder if the authorities in Fall River have any sort of local health codes. Even in the fly over country backwater I live in, public pools have to undergo daily testing for filtration, chemical balance, and water quality every day before anyone’s allowed in. Usually we only find the bloated floaters out in the reservoirs and flooded out quarries where the stoners like to go party, or the fishing holes where the geezers go out night fishing and down just a few too many beers and/or Jack Daniels’. ewwww!
BTW- Fall River, Massachusetts was the home of Lizzie Borden. The house where she (or some mystery party) massacred her parents is now a bed and breakfast. Interesting fun fact.
That is a cool fact. However, to quote George Carlin, “That’s the kind of thinking that kept me out of the really good schools.”