baby-batter, better dead than red, bigotry, Cyros International, drunken Irishmen, gingers, ginjism, jizzmastre, Johnny Whitaker, Judas Iscariot, redheads, sorry Thorsie!, sperm bank, sperm donor, treachery
Historically, gingers have had it rough. Thought in ancient times to be possessed of sinister powers or bestial sexual urges, today’s redhead is merely regarded as a disturbing genetic anomaly. And yet, until recently, these soulless individuals enjoyed the same rights as the rest of unafflicted humanity.
Now, all that has changed, with one organization single-handedly turning back the clock on ginger rights. Cryos International, the world’s biggest sperm bank, has announced that it will no longer accept donations from redheads, as its larders are positively brimming with ginjism. The announcement was made through a representative of Cyros, who asked to remain anonymous for fear that his family might be hexed by angry gingers seeking reprisal.
According to Cyros, the decision is the result of a steeply-diminished demand for red-headed baby-batter. “In civilized, first-world countries, nobody wants a ginger around,” the Cyros rep says. He adds, “You’ve got just one country with a high demand for redheads, and that’s Ireland. And I don’t have to tell you that they’re all bombed out of their skulls.”
Drunken Irishmen aside, it appears that increasingly there are fewer places in this world that gingers can call home. Although Promethean Times understands the emotions behind Cyros’ decision–we don’t want gingers in our neighborhoods either–for society’s sake, we cannot endorse the decision to bar these Day-Glo monstrosities from donating sperm. If not provided a safe, reliable outlet for their bestial urges, we face a future where gingers will be pleasuring themselves on Main Street.