By Smaktakula

Although potentially-legalized marijuana is the greatest crisis facing contemporary society, it is by no means the only drug insidiously devouring a generation.  Below, we present a brace of cautionary tales which illuminate the true horrors and depredations of America’s drug epidemic.

One advantage methamphetamine has over other illegal drugs is that it can be made just about anywhere, using common household products.  This ubiquity has caused meth, the little drug that could, to take off like a rocket across the United States.

It turns out, however, that there yet places where the manufacture of methamphetamine remains a poor idea, as Alisha Halfmoon discovered to her regret.  The brain-addled crank enthusiast was arrested in a Tulsa, Oklahoma Walmart after spending six hours in the back of the store whipping up a batch of crystal.

But of course meth isn’t the only drug causing Americans to do stupid and degrading things.  Crack, considered by many to be ‘yesterday’s scourge,’ is still ruining lives across the nation.  Among those enslaved by the glass teat is one Ella Jo Price of South Carolina.

Perhaps believing that it’s better to have something and not need it than to need something and not have it, Price had two crack pipes secreted on her person when police pulled her and another man over for speeding in early December.  Although initially resistant to hand over the paraphernalia, when the police became insistent, Price produced the two crack pipes from the foul crannies in which she’d secreted them, her crotch and buttocks respectively.