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By Smaktakula

See? No Matter How Shitty Your Life Is, You Can Take Comfort In Knowing That You're Not This Smegma Blossom.

In which we celebrate the faults & foibles which make us mortal. Humanity, you are beautiful!

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Jordy Prepares A Photo For His Match.com Profile, Confident That Somewhere Out There Is A Gal Who Wants To Swap Fluids With A Freakish Human Pineapple.

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El Hombre Del Volar La Comadreja, The El Salvadoran Batman, Is A Lot Like The Gringo Version, Except That He's A Little Softer Around The Middle And The Batcave Is A Rusted-Out Ice Cream Truck.

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Here's Some Free Wisdom, Folks: Live Every Moment Of Life As If Your Ex-Girlfriend Might Be Watching.

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There Are Many Ways To Ensure That Your Son Will Own A Massive 4X4 With Trailer-Hitch Testicles As Soon As He Can Drive. This Is Just One Of Them.

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"Hey Is That A Skittle? My...HUH!...My God! It Is! FEED ME THAT GODDAMN...HUH!...GODDAMN SKITTLE RIGHT...HUH!...RIGHT GODDAMN NOW! *RONCH! RONCH! RONCH!* HUH! HUH! My God--That Was So...HUH!...HUH!...So Fucking Good."

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At Least Grandma Died Doing What She Loved--Living In A Bizarre, Dementia-Drenched Fantasy World.

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We Can't Afford To Be Seen With You, That's For Darn Sure.

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It Can Be Tough To Watch, But Sometimes You Simply Have To Trust That Mother Nature Knows What She's Doing.

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Yeah, Ha Ha, But Jimmy Has The Only Science Fair Project That's Worth A Damn. In Real Life, You Will NEVER Encounter A Situation Requiring You To Fashion An Electromagnet Out Of A Fishing Weight And Some Old Copper Wires. What Are You, Fucking McGuyver Now? YOU ROCK, JIMMY!

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You Need Only To See The Terror In That Tiny Creature's Eyes To Know That While You're Distracted By The Epic Mullet, FiFi's Getting Fucked.

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