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Tag Archives: marijuana legalization

Robertson To Marijuana Advocates: “Your Move, Dirtbags!”

09 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, News, Politics, Religion

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

cannabis, community college vs real college, dope, grass, hemp, hippies, Just Say No!, keep marijuana illegal, marijuana, marijuana legalization, Oaksterdam, Pat Robertson, Pat Robertson is batshit crazy, pot, reefer, seriously--hippies are odious, that trick never works, the sweet sweet cheeba, weed

By Smaktakula

Oh, Sure--He's A Cock-Knocker. But Let's Hear What He Has To Say.

Only a few days ago, it would have been hard to blame filthy hippies for getting all giddy over the possible legalization of marijuana. Cannabis, the decriminalization of which had seemed until recently to be largely inevitable, may not be as close to reality as previously feared. Despite valiant efforts by anti-drug activists  over the past decades, such as Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” Campaign or the hunger-inducing ‘This Is Your Brain On Drugs,” the public’s tolerance for this deadly plant seemed only to be growing. Then Pat Robertson weighed in.

Not Fucking Likely, You Filthy Cheeba-Monkeys!

Readers of Promethean Times are already familiar with the myriad threats to society posed by marijuana legalization. The pitfalls of hemp-addiction have been widely documented–some users become hooked to the reefer after simply walking into a room where someone has smoked marijuana within the past six hours.¹ Additionally, anyone who lives in an urban center or near a high school has seen the ugly effects of “Weed Rage”–the drug is known to give users the strength of ten men, and induces such fury that subduing a raging stoner requires an army of club-wielding cops and about four gallons of pepper spray. Crafty hemp-heads are reportedly contracting cancer intentionally as a ploy to get their grimy, emaciated hands on some sweet, sweet cheeba. And of course, incidents of weed-dissipated parents devouring their own children are so common as to be almost prosaic.

Hippies. A Lot Like Cockroaches, But Lacking The Charm.

Despite these very real and well-publicized dangers, it has taken until now for someone to summon the courage to affect real change. By announcing his support of marijuana legalization, Pat Robertson has done just that. Overnight, people who once thought marijuana a harmless pleasure are being forced to take a second look at this invasive weed, hopefully to see it for what it is–a nation-destroying blight. Banking on his reputation as a head-up-the-ass moron who has previously offered up godlessness as a cause for national disasters and who advocates political assassination as a form of diplomacy, Robertson is gambling that his advocacy of marijuana legalization will turn the public against it. On behalf of society as a whole, but most especially the children, Promethean Times thanks Pat Robertson for his brave stance in helping America say nope to dope and ugh to drugs.

Parents: Oaksterdam University Is NOT A Fully Accredited Institution Of Higher Learning! It's More Like A Community College.²

¹Unless that shit is the dank, in which case the effects can last up to 12 hours. ∞ T.
²Offended? Ha! You’re poorly educated. ∞ T.

Meg: A Clear And Present Danger To The Golden State

09 Thursday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, People, Places

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

acid, California, drugs, Golden State, hallucinogens, LSD, marijuana legalization, Meg, Meg 2010, Meg Griffin, reefer, spice rack highs, sweet lady meg, sweet sweet cheeba, the Spice, weed

By Smaktakula

When Promethean Times first commented on the phenomenon of kids using nutmeg as a recreational hallucinogen (see Sweet Lady Meg), we believed–perhaps foolishly–that these were isolated incidents, and that the so-called ‘nutmeg epidemic’ would evaporate, as with Jenkem or the choking game.  It appears we were wrong.

Just as psychedelic art celebrated the mindspike chromaticism of LSD and reefer’s mellow high in the late 1960s, today’s nutmeg subculture is working hard to get more users on the Spice.  California has been particularly hard hit by this pernicious scourge.

California Will Say No To Pot, But Yes To Meg.

Still Not What You Were Looking For?

30 Friday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Baseball, Cinema, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Duh, General Foolishness, History, Hollywood, Humor, International Relations, National Politics, People, Places, Political Correctness, Sports, Television, World Affairs

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

'Lil Kim, Abigail Folger, America's ambivlence toward soccer, Barack Obama, Billie Joe Armstrong, Bush Brothers and Company, celebrity skin, Charles Manson, Chesley Sullenberger, Corey Haim, courtesy tips, cults, Dana Carvey, demon weed, dope, Duke, fauxhawk, Flower of American Skankhood, Frances Bean Cobain, Freddie Mercury, Garfield, George Sherrill, grammar, grass, Haimster, hippies, Improved Order of Red Men, internet pornography, Iran, Irene Folstrom, John Bobbit, Johnston's procedure, Kim Jong-il, lasagna, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Live Aid, Makwala Derrickson Hall, Manson Family, marijuana, marijuana legalization, Mensa, Mike Meyers, Morris the Cat, mullets, Nermal, North Korea, not what you were looking for?, Odie, Oxford ponce, Pakistan, penis, pervert, pot, prison food, Prometheus Society, Queen, racism, Ramtha, Randy Johnson, rapists, rave culture, raves, reefer, Reverend Fred Phelps, severed penis, skankery, Sully Sullenberger, sweet sweet cheeba, that shitty beard too!, the Big Unit, tiny penis, Tommy Lee, Tommy Lee's massive tool, treachery, untalented stars, US Airways Flight 1549, volcanic activity, volcanoes, vulgarity is the secret ingredient, Waco, Waco Massacre, Wal-Mart, Washington State, Westboro Baptist Church, Yelm

By Smaktakula

In which we once again present some of the various search-engine keywords used to find Promethean Times. Some, we suspect, were not on purpose.  See our first installment here: Not What You Were Looking For?.

live aid Geez, you put up one stupid Live Aid post, and suddenly you’ve got idiots knocking down your door for the rest of time.  Is Freddie Mercury really that beloved?  Thank you so much, Mike Meyers.  You too, Carvey.

humboldt promethean society Not sure if we can help you.  The Prometheus Society is club for freaks too smart for Mensa.  Smaktakula takes a dim view of organizations whose rigorous standards preclude his admission.  While there may in fact be many such individuals living in isolated cabins deep within the remote wilderness of Humboldt, these reclusive geniuses are no doubt so removed from society at large that they’re unlikely to turn up on an internet search.  Fortunately, anyone that smart knows to stay away from the demon weed, the great bane of the Humboldt.

narco children Frances Bean Cobain just wants to live a normal life.  Please try to respect that.

redman fraternal organization Right here.  Whites only, please.

criticism should 1549 “Sullenberger” We will tolerate no criticism of the heroic Captain Sullenberger.  The birds sent you, didn’t they?

wind up monkey Clang!  Clang!

underage boys blog We can’t help you, but thanks for checking.  Please remember to remain at least 500 feet from schools and city parks at all times.

america soccer ambivalence Happy to oblige.

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when mullets attack We’re listening.

hell of a mullet Hell yeah!

skanky ho lindsay lohan Isn’t she, though?

raves should be illegal and banned Big Dittos, Rush!

old rainier brewery rave  Smaktakula may have attended one of these.  As a narc, of course.

will marijuana be legal in 2010 Not if Promethean Times has anything to say about it, Hippie!

ramtha volcanic eruption  We’ve got it.

ramtha marijuana Interesting.  Tell us more.

bush brothers & co new product New?  Treachery is as old as time itself.

passionate people and constructive crit Tell it to your diary, Nancy.

bull rider die And how!

waco massacre Dammit, Janet!

driving courtesy tips THANK YOU.

george sherrill beard—Yeah, we hate it too.

jesse sherrill senior rape trial 2010 You’re thinking of Jessie Sherrill, an accused rapist from Christian County, Kentucky.  We’ve got George Sherrill, whose late-inning incompetence doesn’t look half as bad when juxtaposed with a rapist.

kim jong il in united states Supposedly he’s in the United States secretly to buy DVDs and to fight female rapper ‘Lil Kim to the death over the use of the diminutive.  It is imperative that the United States Government not allow Kim to purchase those DVDs.

garfield the cat pitchman Fuck his fat lasagna-craving ass.  Promethean Times has never apologized for our Morrisist leanings and we never will.  Fuck Nermal and Odie, too.

haimster, 1971-2010 It still hurts.

pakastani home mad porn movies Ah!  A connoisseur!

irene folstrom Isn’t she the coffee heiress that the Manson kids chopped up?

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obama surprised Say Whaaaaaaaat?

sexy man cock Fred, just stop.  While we must admit we were initially flattered by your attention, your persistence has become a real turn-off.  The answer is no.

billie joe armstrong’s penis We hear it’s tiny.  Tommy Lee’s joint, however–now, that’s a penis.

johnston’s procedure penis A procedure to remedy “Torsion of the penis” which sounds pretty awful, and makes Smaktakula a bit of a dick for including it here.

north korean prison food Don’t be foolish.  There hasn’t been food in North Korea for years.

john bobbit penis + picture It’s in your bathroom above the sink.  Try looking at eye level.

have proven have proved Look, Smaktakula’s grammar is pretty goddamn good, but everybody makes mistakes.  You think this is easy?  You think it’s just talking like an Oxford ponce and liberally peppering the whole thing with vulgarities?  Okay, so maybe it is–but let’s see you try it, cock-knocker.  But then, we have an unfortunate tendency to over-analyze.

iran haircut policy Surprisingly progressive.

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Californians Wisely Rethinking Marijuana Legalization

29 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Health, Justice, National Events, Politics, Regional Politics

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Adolf Hitler, African-Americans, cancer patients, cannabis, Cannabis Mafia, carnies, corporate douchebaggry, DARE, demon weed, dope, douchebaggery, Drugs Are Ruining Everything, drunken Irishmen, Fentanyl, fratboys, gateway drug, grass, hemp, hippies, Jack Daniels, Just Say No!, keep marijuana illegal, marijuana, marijuana legalization, medical marijuana, morphine, OxyContin, patchouli, pot, pot smokers, potheads, rectal cancer, reefer, seriously--hippies are odious, Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding, smoke, Snoop Dogg, stinky people, sweet sweet cheeba, teetotalers, weed, white people, Willie Nelson

By Smaktakula

You’ve got to hand it to the Cannabis Mafia–they almost pulled it off.  They came dangerously close to fooling enough of the electorate to transform California into a patchouli paradise. Fortunately, it appears Californians have seen through the smokescreen.

He's More Clever Than He Looks. But Just As Filthy.

The media has been assaulted by an all-out blitz of pro-hemp propaganda. Some of these efforts attempt to play on the sympathies of caring Californians, by confusing a drug issue with a medical one.  By reinforcing the notion that stoners who happen to have cancer and somehow think they deserve to possess a controlled substance “aren’t hurting anyone,” the pro-pot forces inch closer to their insidious goals.

Not hurting anybody? What about the cancer-ridden hemp-head?  It’s understandable that in a moment of pain so debilitating as to defy description, an individual might give in to the propaganda in a desperate effort to dull the ravaging effects of an insidious illness.

But at what cost?  In a random sampling of terminal cancer patients on hospice care who smoked marijuana, a Promethean Times survey found that a full 98% of these dying men and women were also using heavy painkillers like morphine, OxyContin and Fentanyl.  This revelation flies in the face of every skeptic who disputes the established fact that marijuana is a gateway drug; the link between weed and so-called “harder” drugs could not be more plain.

This publication is not alone in its crusade against marijuana legalization. Joining the fight are various church and school groups.  In particular, some African-American interest groups are vociferously against marijuana legalization, knowing all too well its dangers, as blacks are incarcerated  for marijuana offenses at a disproportionately higher rate than whites, despite consuming less of the stuff.*

The following facts about dope have been provided by the venerable anti-drug organization DARE (Drugs Are Ruining Everything):

1) People who smoke pot are 325% more likely to cannibalize children (their own or others) than people who do not smoke pot.

2) Children of parents who have smoked pot even once are almost TWICE as likely to grow up to be carnies than children of responsible parents.

3) Stoned drivers are 56% less likely than drunk drivers to survive being hit by a drunk driver.

4) Smoking pot virtually guarantees time wasted interacting with hippies.

5) Pot smoking is the sole cause for rectal cancer.

6) Hitler didn’t smoke pot.  But can you imagine how many people he would have killed if he did?

7) Smoking pot will make your eyes fall out.

Thanks To Soft-Hearted Do-Gooders, This Stoner Just Hit The Jackpot.

Legalization’s deleterious effects will be felt far beyond urban areas; it will also target some of America’s most important industries. Just as a glut of junk food edges out wholesome foods, so will marijuana legalization put the squeeze on America’s alcohol distributors and manufactures.

Many people will no doubt believe that the sacrifice of one supposed vice for another is a of little consequence.  But when one considers the ramifications of even the tiniest reduction in California’s alcohol intake, it readily becomes apparent that legalization will put the state on the fast track to disaster.

Less drinking will severely impact California’s liquor stores, as well as its many fine taverns. Again, these businesses may be written off as “dens of sin.” But what about insurance agents, car salesmen, funeral directors, condolence card company executives, EMTs and America’s dedicated doctors and nurses? Removing even one drunk driver from the road is another blow these hard-working professionals simply cannot endure.

Drunken Fratboys: The World Would Be A Sadder Place Without Their Merry Brand Of Self-Entitled Douchebaggery.

Consider the retail industry. Almost 40% of major retail purchases are made while drunk. It is laughable to assume that sober buyers would spend with the same abandon. It isn’t huge chain stores that’s killing local businesses, but rather teetotalers.

And what about fraternities? Will they still command the same mysterious allure if it’s known in advance that there will be no sweaty, half-naked vomit-bonding with the bros? Hardly.

There’s also the danger that marijuana legalization might spread beyond the borders of California, and perhaps the United States itself. Imagine if other countries lessened their alcohol consumption: without alcohol to keep the Irish quarrelsome and disorganized, the world would be up to its ass in shamrocks. Nobody wants that.

I'm Jack Daniels, And I Approved This Message.

* Interestingly, when country music star Willie Nelson is removed from the white sample, this trend reverses.  If rapper Snoop Dogg is then removed from the black sample, it returns to the expected ratio. ∞ T.

From CNN: Marijuana Plantations Feeding Europe’s Habit

28 Friday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Plantlife, South America, World Affairs

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

CNN, dope, grass, hemp, keep marijuana illegal, marijuana, marijuana legalization, marijuana plantations, Mary Jane, peasant farmers, pot, reefer, South America, Stoner the Horse, sweet sweet cheeba, weed

Europe’s insatiable jones for the sweet, sweet cheeba has increased the demand for high-quality marijuana.  To meet this demand, peasant farmers in South America are growing cannabis in greater numbers.  These farmers claim that growing illegal marijuana is the only way they can feed their families. 

KEEP MARIJUANA ILLEGAL! 

I stop the farmer and briefly pet the horse. 

“He’s called Stoner,” the farmer tells me in Spanish, before breaking into a broad grin and setting off again. 

Fuck The Hay, Man--How 'Bout Some Corn Nuts?

 Stoner The Horse Says–This Is The Shit They Don’t Want You To Know, Man: Marijuana plantations feeding Europe’s habit – CNN.com.

Smaktakula

Marijuana Legalization Will Transform Humboldt Into Appalachia

30 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, National Events, Plantlife, Politics, Regional Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ballot measure, California, California marijuana initiative, cannabis, cannabis cowboys, dope, drug legalization, ganja, grass, hemp, Humboldt County, illicit shadow industry, legalize it, marijuana, marijuana legalization, outlaw growers, pot, reefer, sweet sweet cheeba, weed, Zig-Zags, Ziploc

By Smaktakula

In the debate over California’s upcoming ballot measure to legalize marijuana, Promethean Times has heretofore resisted editorializing so that the electorate might arrive at its own decision in November.  However, the discourse has done little to educate voters, and instead has achieved the converse: leaving them confused and angry about what may very well be the defining issue of our times.  This imperative makes clear the mandate that Promethean Times, as a long-trusted source of clear and accurate information, make known its stand on this very important issue.                            

Promethean Times does NOT support the effort to legalize marijuana in California.  America’s stoners have been duped: decriminalizing cannabis is nothing more than a smokescreen for a concerted attack on vital American industries.  Unfortunately, hemp-heads don’t have much time to think about these things, electing to preserve their attenuated attention spans for an Aqua Teen Hunger Force mini-marathon.                            

By Any Means Necessary: These Hippies Don't Care Who Gets Hurt As Long As Reefer Is Legal

Voters are already well-acquainted with legalization’s most obvious dangers: increased crime and urban blight in the form of  such scenarios as pot smokers robbing local businesses at gunpoint to support their habit, women selling themselves for as little as a dime bag, and formerly pristine streets of mainstream America festooned with Ziplocs and Zig-Zags.  Moreover, anti-weed activists speak ominously of a critical snacks and munchies shortfall–the stoner’s equivalent of a “Perfect Storm.”  If America found itself in the throes of a CSMS during a national event such as the Super Bowl or Final Idol, the effect upon the nation would be both immediate and calamitous.                      

As bad as those things are, they fail to take into account a hitherto undiscussed result of marijuana legalization: the effect legalization will have on outlaw marijuana growers.   These cannabis cowboys fear that legalization will not only prove the death knell for a once-thriving industry, but also for a time-honored and cherished way of life.                         

Ghosts Of Prohibition: "T'warn't Revenuers Whut Den Dis Tuh Meh, But Ta Ruhpeel Uh Ta Eighteenth Menment. That'n Inbreeden."

The growers are right to be worried.  If pot is legalized, the high quality marijuana which currently is grown in remote places like Humboldt County, California, will be available in areas of the state which up to now have been forced to settle for shwag or Mexican dirtweed.  Within months of legalization places like Humboldt County will more closely resemble Harlan County, Kentucky than their former selves.                     

But the grim toll of legalization does not end with the outlaw growers and their families.  Also affected are the businesses, often local, which provide the materials for the illegal grow operation: fertilizer & feed stores, horticulture supply stores, as well as companies manufacturing steel-jaw traps for catching poachers, lawmen and unlucky hikers.                            

What effect will legalization have on local peace officers?  Much like tips are to servers, local law enforcement officers feed their families with the bribe money they receive from growers.  Similarly, the need to use thousands upon thousands of  man hours in the effort to interdict a tiny portion of the drug trade helps DEA agents pay their mortgages.  How will California voters explain to the families of these law enforcement officers that because they can’t shake their jones for the sweet, sweet cheeba, there won’t be any Christmas this year–or ever again?                            

Legalization will be harmful enough within the borders of California, but will metastasize beyond the borders even of the nation.  With the loss of the illegal marijuana trade, the Mexican drug cartels will be forced to rely solely on the enormous profits they derive from the sale of methamphetamine, cocaine and heroin, as well as the lucrative human-smuggling market.  It’s easy to see the human face of marijuana legalization when one considers that the average Mexican narco-enforcer has 7 children to feed.                            

The Hidden Victims Of Legalization: Bribe Money Keeps His Daughter In Catholic School

In November, California voters will be presented with an historic opportunity–the chance stand arm-in-arm with the hard-working men and women toiling in America’s illicit shadow industries, to advocate on behalf of  La Familia hitmen and the Federales they bribe,  and to support the legal industries which help support illegal grow operations–by voting NO on marijuana legalization.   Americans are best served by restricting their indulgences to safe and legal products such as alcohol or tobacco.  

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The Legalization Question

25 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Health, National Events, National Politics, Plantlife, Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ballot box, California, California marijuana initiative, cannabis, doobage, dope, drug legalization, ganja, grass, hemp, legalize it, marijuana, marijuana legalization, pot, reefer, sweet sweet cheeba, the initiative, Tommy Chong, weed

California voters will have the opportunity in November to legalize marijuana through the ballot box.  Cannabis legalization is a complicated and contentious issue, requiring every voter to search his or her own soul.  There are no easy answers.   

Promethean Times will not attempt to influence popular opinion by revealing our stand on this hot-button issue.  We recommend instead that the public seek an unbiased opinion about the pros and cons of marijuana legalization from experts such as this distinguished gentleman:   

Tommy Chong: Leaning Toward A Yes Vote

 
Smaktakula

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