By Smaktakula

For as long as there have been different cultures, there have been cruel stereotypes about those cultures. In ancient times the Sumerians were  believed to be penny-pinchers, the Mayans considered bad guests who wouldn’t leave, and Etruscans were accused of  “dressing too faggy.” Even in modern times, there are some¹ who propound the rumor that Belgian people have belly buttons which are neither innies nor outies, but rather prehensile tentacles which the Belgians use to drain fluid from the organs of the handicapped victims who are their natural prey.

Of course, as any grade-school teacher will tell you, there’s no truth in any stereotype. Stereotypes are just a symptom of fear, a fear which stems from ignorance of other people and cultures. Once a person is exposed to the culture he believes so frightening, he will quickly come to understand that people the world over are exactly the same.²

There are those who say that all stereotypes are injurious, even those of a ‘positive’ nature. Positive or not, these critics contend, stereotypes still serve to distort perceptions and contribute to the widening of various cultural schisms.

You decide.

Asians–Is it really such a handicap to be judged intelligent solely on the basis of your race?  It might be unfair to the morons within the culture, but as we know, Asian morons (or ‘the uninterrigent,’ as they’re known in the Far East) are exceedingly rare. Also, it’s not a bad thing if people avoid fucking with you in the off-chance that you’re a kung-fu master.

Gay men–Folks think you’re a good dancer, even when you’re not.

The French–No good stereotypes exist for the French. About the best thing we can say is that if you scrub ’em down real good, you’ll find out they’re actually Swiss.

White people–Even the most destitute piece of  poor white trash wandering the back hollows of Mississippi is secretly believed by the other races³to be a member of an illuminati-like conspiracy of world-shaking power brokers.  Also, traffic stops rarely end in a beating.

Latinos–Many positive stereotypes are attributed to persons of Latin descent.  “He works like a Mexican” is a compliment, and one has only to see 23 people crammed into a two-bedroom apartment to know that the family is paramount in Latin culture.  Also, they make great soccer players.

Canadians–Do you folks really mind being thought of as smarter, cleaner, more polite Americans?

The Polish–Tardsie has been to Poland. He says that everything you’ve heard is true.

Black dudes–Hell yeeeeaaaaaah.

¹Us, mostly. ∞ T.

²Irrespective of the truth, it’s what you’re supposed to say. ∞ T.

³Most Asians either know or suspect the truth, but will likely play along. ∞ T.