Tag Archives: sluts

Keep That Kidney To Yourself, Whore!

20 Monday Feb 2012

Posted by in News, Science

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By Smaktakula

Ironically, You Can Only Donate Life If You Haven't Had Much Of One Yourself.

It’s easy to forget the impact that organ transplants have had on society. Medical science has advanced to such a degree that it now seems routine to cut the organs from a dying man or woman and transplant them into the body of a patient who, without the procedure, would otherwise die. There are thousands of people today who owe their very lives to men and women whose names they will never know.

Despite the dizzying progress of our science, human behavior has yet to make the same quantum leap.  Because increasingly fewer people are opting to become organ donors, the demand for transplants far outpaces the availability of suitable organs.

The Hooker With A Heart Of Gold. It's A Very Serious Medical Condition.

If a Centers for Disease Control recommendation is implemented, quality organs will become even more rare. The venerable health organization takes very seriously its responsibility to ensure that only the pinkest, healthiest organs get sewn into recipients. To meet this end,the CDC has devised several screening methods to weed out potential undesirables and plague-carriers. Relying heavily on statistics, the organization has identified several high-risk groups, such as convicts, whose members are barred from organ donation.  However, in a move sure to stoke the ire of pro-skank activists around the globe, the CDC has issued recommendations barring persons of a slutty nature from donating organs.

Sadly, Ron Jeremy Will Most Likely Not Be Allowed To Donate, And His Magnificent Organ Will Die With Him.

Smaktakula’s lonely and isolated existence would make him a perfect candidate to donate his organs, if only doctors weren’t so hung up about sclerosis. ∞ T.

Lindsay Lohan Needs $$$

10 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by in Commercials, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, Movies, People, Television

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By Smaktakula

Because cocaine isn’t cheap.          

Lindsay Lohan, Flower of American Skankhood and tabloid headline regular, claims she’s been dishonored by a recent E-Trade commercial.  Team Lohan maintains that E-Trade used her “likeness, name, characterization and personality” without permission.          

The offending commercial:          

While it’s true that most reasonable people would be horrified to be in any way associated with these E-Trade grotesqueries, it’s not clear that the use of the name “Lindsay” was intended to imply any connection with Ms. Lohan.  The infant in the commercial could be any skank named Lindsay.          

Team Lohan will no doubt respond with the trenchant counter that prior to Ms. Lohan’s use of the name, “Lindsay” was associated with virtue.  Now the name is linked inextricably not only to skanks, but also to sluts, hos, tramps, ladies of easy virtue and the like.  Ms. Lohan will therefore contend that any unflattering or mocking depiction of a “Lindsay” is a direct and intentional use of the former child-star’s image.          

What Might Have Been

Regardless of the lawsuit’s outcome, there are already plenty of losers.   A generation of young women looks up to Lindsay Lohan, and to those women–the skanks of tomorrow–this news will no doubt come as a heavy blow.   But like the spunky strumpet they idolize, this junior varsity Jersey Shore will no doubt face the coming challenges with characteristic élan.  Look for them and you will find them: lifting up their shirts for a stranger’s camera, dressing like hookers to piss off Daddy, and that old chestnut–getting a mammoth, butterfly design tramp stamp which reads CLASSY LASSY.          

Lindsay may be down for the moment, but the Sisterhood of Skank soldiers on.