15 Friday Jun 2012
Posted in Celebrity, Culture, Entertainment, Music
Tags
false predictions, Hammer Time!, MC Hammer, outright lies, self-deception, stars of yesteryear, Too Legit to Quit, Where Are They Now?
Ultimately, The Effort To Hide His Illegitimacy Proved Too Much For Hammer.
After assuring us that he was too legit to do any such thing–MC Hammer quit.
25 Friday Mar 2011
Posted in News
Tags
Arkansas, atomic bomb, Billy Ray Cyrus, Elizabeth Taylor, headlines, incest, Inter-Services Intelligence, Libya, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, MiLo, Mormons, Muammar al-Gaddafi, Pakistan, San Francisco, sodomy, stars of yesteryear, Sting, Whoopi Goldberg
In which we sound off on the headlines, without bothering to read the articles.
Single, Female, Mormon, Alone~That could not be any sexier.
“I Don’t Care About Anyone Else/When I Think About You I Touch Myself.”
Suspect Confesses to Murdering Pakistani Politician~When you’re interrogated by the Pakistani ISI, you’ll pretty much tell them you’re an alligator if that’s what they want to hear.
Michael Lohan loses his cool~Believing MiLo ever had any cool requires a colossal leap of faith.
Billy Ray Cyrus Wants Whoopi Goldberg to Star In His Movie~This thing’s got “hit” written all over it.
Cable car rear-ended near San Francisco Union Square-~If you’re looking to get rear-ended, that’s a pretty good place for it.
“We’re Here! We’re Queer! Get Used To It! DING! DING!”
Five Biggest Mistakes Retirees Make~The first one is retiring.
Ark. cities feel unexplained surge in earthquakes~Perhaps God is angry about all the incest.
Essay: Elizabeth Taylor, the woman who invented celebrity~Translation: “Look, I was born in the age of color TV and I really don’t know who that is, okay?”
Reunited After All These Years. We’re Talking, Of Course, About Her Ankles.
San Jose man dies after collapsing at GOP party~He was no doubt shocked to find Republicans in San Jose.
Sting puts 14 of 14 tour buses stopped at single NYC checkpoint off road~We stopped reading when we found out they weren’t talking about the insufferable easy-listening singer.
EXCLUSIVE: Lindsay Lohan Refused To Visit Dad on ‘Family Day’ at Celebrity Rehab~It’s nice to see Lindsay making adult decisions.
Western air strikes fail to dislodge Gaddafi~When was the last time airstrikes dislodged anyone?
The Exception Which Proves The Rule.
Welcome to the Libyan front. Have a juice box.-~Fuck your juice box, cocksnipe–Get me out of the sand!
13 Monday Sep 2010
Tags
Danny Wood, Donnie Wahlberg, former child stars, Generation MILF, hairless hit factory, Joey McIntyre, Jonathan Knight, Jordan Knight, Justin Bieber, New Kids Forever! Still Hangin' Tough Baby!, New Kids on the Block, NKOTB, nostalgia acts, stars of yesteryear, stupid shit little girls like, Where Are They Now?
Two decades ago America’s arenas were jammed with pubescent girls screaming for the manufactured teenybop that only New Kids on the Block could offer. The screaming has long since died away, and many of those young fans now have children of their own. And perhaps when her own daughter rhapsodically details the myriad virtues of the hairless hit factory Justin Bieber, now and then one of those former fans will spare a moment to think of those long-ago idols, wondering whatever became of those five boys from Boston.
NKOTB Has Retooled Its Sound For Generation MILF.
After recasting themselves as NKOTB in 1993, the boys attempted a comeback. NKOTB’s song Keep on Smilin’ appeared on the soundtrack to the killer whale opus, Free Willy, which the boys hoped would revive their flagging fan base. Sadly, much like the film’s titular orca, it appeared the New Kids’ career was destined for the business end of a Japanese harpoon, ultimately to be devoured alongside some salaryman’s ramen.*
Hangin' Tough On The High Seas: Not Only Will The Boys From Boston Perform, They'll Also Clean Your Cabin And Press Your Pants.
For those fans seeking the ultimate NKOTB experience, we recommend joining the lads on an intimate four-day Caribbean Cruise. This opportunity is a godsend for those women on the verge of middle age who always wanted to score with a New Kid, but thought the opportunity forever beyond their reach. Remember ladies, with their multi-platinum heyday two decades gone, they’re not nearly as picky these days.
#14? Mr. McIntyre Will See You Now.
Promethean Times 