Arkansas, atomic bomb, Billy Ray Cyrus, Elizabeth Taylor, headlines, incest, Inter-Services Intelligence, Libya, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, MiLo, Mormons, Muammar al-Gaddafi, Pakistan, San Francisco, sodomy, stars of yesteryear, Sting, Whoopi Goldberg
By Smaktakula and Various Editors
In which we sound off on the headlines, without bothering to read the articles.
Single, Female, Mormon, Alone~That could not be any sexier.
Suspect Confesses to Murdering Pakistani Politician~When you’re interrogated by the Pakistani ISI, you’ll pretty much tell them you’re an alligator if that’s what they want to hear.
Michael Lohan loses his cool~Believing MiLo ever had any cool requires a colossal leap of faith.
Billy Ray Cyrus Wants Whoopi Goldberg to Star In His Movie~This thing’s got “hit” written all over it.
Cable car rear-ended near San Francisco Union Square-~If you’re looking to get rear-ended, that’s a pretty good place for it.
Five Biggest Mistakes Retirees Make~The first one is retiring.
Ark. cities feel unexplained surge in earthquakes~Perhaps God is angry about all the incest.
Essay: Elizabeth Taylor, the woman who invented celebrity~Translation: “Look, I was born in the age of color TV and I really don’t know who that is, okay?”
San Jose man dies after collapsing at GOP party~He was no doubt shocked to find Republicans in San Jose.
Sting puts 14 of 14 tour buses stopped at single NYC checkpoint off road~We stopped reading when we found out they weren’t talking about the insufferable easy-listening singer.
EXCLUSIVE: Lindsay Lohan Refused To Visit Dad on ‘Family Day’ at Celebrity Rehab~It’s nice to see Lindsay making adult decisions.
Western air strikes fail to dislodge Gaddafi~When was the last time airstrikes dislodged anyone?
Welcome to the Libyan front. Have a juice box.-~Fuck your juice box, cocksnipe–Get me out of the sand!