Tags
Adolf Hitler, Austria, Belgium, don't hate us because we're ignorant, famous Austrians, Idi Amin Dada, outright lies, places that suck, pure evil, Uganda? No that's a myth. He was from Belgium.
By Smaktakula
Most objective observers will readily agree that not only is Promethean Times one of the world’s leading outlets for critical news and hard data, but is also darn near infallible. As much as we would wish otherwise, these powers of almost deific accuracy do not extend to all of our readers. For some tragically simple members of our audience, PT can be a confusing, scary place.
Recently, a Promethean Times exposé on the rampant iniquities of Belgium, that nefarious nation of nasty ne’er-do-wells, has inadvertently caused some international hurt feelings. At least two anonymous respondents (this anonymity is unsurprising when it is remembered that most Belgians do not have individual names, but identify one another through a complex cocktail of pheromones) allege that Promethean Times incorrectly implied internationally-despised dick Adolf Hitler had been born in Belgium. In fact, the heinous dictator hailed from Austria. It was never our intention to imply that history’s most reviled personage was of Belgian birth, and while we believe that our message was clear and straightforward, we nonetheless understand the powerful feelings evoked by this misinterpretation.
However, Promethean Times stands by its decision to include among Belgium’s notable figures the man who once deemed the low-lying country “my spiritual home,” calling it “full of gentle folk who share my unique appreciation for living space and abiding love for 99% of God’s creatures.” Belgians wholeheartedly requited this affection, clasping the genocidal madman to their collective breast. In 1947 Belgium demonstrated this ardor by changing the name of the nation’s capital from Wäfflesburg to Hitlertown.
Anonymous said:
belgian president? we have a kign, his name is albert 2nd. lies, all lies here. he was from austria. now go fuck yourself. by the way, why is there a picture of a hobo with 1 tooth?
Also anonymous, but somebody totally different said:
Your lies are lies! Our good King Albert II is not from Austria!
Adam Shanks said:
because a hobo with no teeth cant be king in Belgium?
elysianhunter said:
Why not an evil Queen? Oh, that’s right, Michael Jackson is dead.
Smaktakula said:
Tom Cruise will suffice.
Alex Autin said:
As funny as this is, and it IS funny….Anonymous and Also Anonymous is much funnier.
Smaktakula said:
Sadly, this is true.
Also anonymous, but somebody totally different said:
I take offense to that! Funny?? The notion that Albert II is Austrian is patently ridiculous—I doubt he’s ever even seen a kangaroo.
Also anonymous, but somebody totally different said:
Shit, Smaktakula already made the Australia joke over here: https://prometheantimes.com/2011/03/07/belgians-the-worlds-most-evil-people. Does it count as plagiarism if it’s dead obvious?
Smaktakula said:
Reblogged this on Promethean Times and commented:
And then there’s this…
crubin said:
Smaktakula’s ability to unite nations remains unparalleled.
Madame Weebles said:
This would help explain why German troops during WWII used so many Belgian shepherds as war dogs rather than German shepherds…
Smaktakula said:
It would. They tried French Poodles, actually, but the damn things kept rolling over.
El Guapo said:
One tooth to rule them all!
We can even count on Promethean Times’ journalistic integrity to bring us the sad tooth.
Beat your gums into plowshares!
k, I’m all out.
Smaktakula said:
I think you bit right in and got to the root of the matter, and at the very least gave me something to chew over.
Anonymous said:
I hope these articles are jokes because all of the things in these articles are false. We do not speak jorg, we have three languages: french, dutch and german.
Smaktakula said:
There’s a language called “Dutch?” Get out of here!