, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

By Smaktakula

Promethean Times takes very seriously its responsibilities as one of America’s tertiary news sources.  With this in mind, we felt it incumbent upon us to remind Americans to vote wisely in November.  If you’re like most contemporary Americans, you likely feel well informed about the political landscape; you don’t need to be reminded to vote responsibly.

Yes, you do.

"The Party Wants To Make America Better For All Of Us."

In the run up to the election, the various political parties will extend every effort to paint themselves as America’s champions–seeking only to protect a vulnerable and easily swayed populace from the sinister interests which are the real backers of the other parties.  This imaginary Illuminati can take any number of forms–including but not limited to corporations, the wealthy, the socialist elite, whitey, immigrants and sometimes the entire human race.  These forces epitomize evil, and therefore those forces in opposition–the party–are good.

The party demands your love.  But anyone who relinquishes this love to the party, without drawing money from the party coffers, is a sucker.

The party does not love you.

"Don't Forget To Vote In November To Roll Back Socialism! Now Bring Me A Sandwich."

"Vote As Many Times As You Can! It's Critical The Republicans Aren't Allowed To Tamper With Our Liberties. Oh, And Could You Get Me A Sandwich?"

"Vote Yes On A Sustainable Future, Okay? Really, It's The Least You Can Do, Considering The Tremendous Burden Your Very Existence Places Upon The Planet. Oh, And Could You Buy Me A Veggie Wrap?"

"Make Sure The Washington Elites Hear Us In November. And Is It Too Much To Ask That You Not Bring Us A Sandwich Made In Kenya? Don't Think We Won't Be Checking."

"Give Us Your Sandwich."

"Get Your Own Damn Sandwich."

Okay, Dance Party 2010 DOES Love You. A Lot.