• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Daily Archives: October 26, 2010

Words To Stop Using: ‘Shall’

26 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

common usage, creepy old virgins, English Language, English teachers, non-antiquated words, ponces, Queen Elizabeth II, shall, shan't, the dodo, verbs, words to stop using

By Smaktakula

Although the poncey contraction shan’t has long since gone the way of the dodo, its equally-insufferable positive counterpart shall still clings tenaciously to the underbelly of common usage.

It’s time to let shall die.

Shall has been a loyal servant of the English language for centuries, and the intransitive verb’s flexibility has been, along with spinster 8th grade English teachers, the secret to its staying power.

But for every usage of shall, a non-antiquated verb substitutes nicely: should, will, are and must are but a few.  Keeping this useless verb on hand for nostalgia’s sake only perpetuates the degradation of shall’s once-proud legacy.

Your Tax Money Keeps This Word Alive.

Star Whackers Target Hollywood D-Listers

26 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, News, Stupidity

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

actors, Actors' Equity Union, autoerotic asphyxiation, California, Canada, Cousin Eddie, crazy people, cretinous bumbler, David Carradine, Dennis Quaid, Evi Quaid, Heath Ledger, jackassery, Kingpin, National Lampoon's Vacation, political asylum, Randall Rudy Quaid, Randy Quaid, restraining order, Santa Barbara, scandal, Seattle, star whackers

By Smaktakula

Most Observers Are Amazed That Quaid Somehow Managed To Maintain A Three-Decade Career Before The Inevitable Implosion.

Is there a secret cabal of assassins intent on taking down Hollywood one actor at a time?  Cretinous bumbler Randy Quaid and his wife Evi think so.  Fearing such a shadow force, the Quaids appeared before Canada’s Immigration and Refugee Board seeking asylum.

Much Like The Lovable Inbred Who Made Him Famous, Quaid Is Said To Be A Tiresome Houseguest.

Quaid, best known for playing  half-wits and morons in films like National Lampoon’s Vacation and Kingpin, is said to be afraid for his life.  Quaid claims that eight of his friends, including actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine, have died in the past few years at the hands of a mysterious organization known only as ‘Star Whackers.’  While Carradine’s sad demise from autoerotic asphyxiation in Thailand does indicate a propensity for whacking, Heath Ledger is believed to have died from an overdose of prescription pills.

Carradine: An Altogether Different Kind Of Star Whacker.

Despite the official findings and conventional wisdom, Quaid maintains that these deaths are not suicides or tragic accident.   In a handwritten note shown to the press by the Quaids’ attorney, the formerly-bankable star wrote:

Yes we are requesting asylum from Hollywood ‘STAR WHACKERS.’
American authorities believe that the star whackers are an invention to distract focus from the Quaids’  legal woes.  A Santa Barbara court has issued a warrant for the couple’s arrest, after the Randy and Evi failed to appear at a hearing stemming from property damage the pair is accused of causing.

Quaid Calls His Upcoming Star Wars Role 'The Part I Was Born To Play': Jar-Jar Kenobi, Obi Wan's Slower, Fatter And Far Less Talented Older Brother.

The Quaids are no strangers to scandal.  Randy managed to get himself banned for life from the Actors’ Equity Union and fined $81,000 for his treatment of castmates in a Seattle production of Lone Star Love.   Although she was not involved with the production, Evi Quaid’s threatening behavior toward the cast earned her a restraining order.

It remains to be seen whether Canadian authorities will seriously entertain the Quaids’ request for asylum.  The choice cannot be an easy one.  Canada must balance her proud tradition of sheltering the politically  oppressed with the knowledge that if the Quaids are allowed refuge in the country, the formerly pristine nation will be one step closer to becoming the USA.

Randy Quaid Has Four Inches Of Height Over Younger Brother Dennis, But That's About It.

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier
  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People
  • Diff'rent Strokes Curse Remains With Work Undone
  • Headlines: Great Big Boobs & A Phyllis Diller Smile
  • Emmanuel Lewis: The Antigary
  • Nancy Grace's Exposed Nipple Continues To Horrify
  • Nothing But Comebacks
  • Getting To Second Base With The World's Most Iconic Suicide
  • A Funny Story About Clowns
  • It Was A Privilege Just To Have Known Her

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

  • Teachable Moments prometheantimes.com/2015/10/15/tea… http://t.co/QFzhCOBHaO 5 years ago
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight prometheantimes.com/2015/10/01/the… http://t.co/lY6IVUWzYV 5 years ago
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’ prometheantimes.com/2015/09/23/my-… http://t.co/izgO4yJppn 5 years ago
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/08/17/she… http://t.co/0svsAHygLs 5 years ago
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/07/31/wel… http://t.co/tvFvovXjTX 5 years ago
Follow @prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

October 2010
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep   Nov »

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim on People Actually Believe That?…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
tomsimard on Sadly, Anne Heche Still L…
Smaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Anonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…

Tardsie D. Bagg

Smaktakula

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.