Tags
alien abductions, America's edge in stupidity, brilliant dirty weirdos, hygiene, ignorance, national stupidity, places that suck, Russia, Russians sure like that vodka, Soviet Union, space program, UFO abductions, United States of America, USSR, Why am I so stupid?, Yuri Gagarin
By Smaktakula
Russia Has Long Since Overtaken The United States In Both Skankery And Malodorous Body Funk. Must America Also Cede Her Edge In Catastrophic Idiocy?
The United States is universally lampooned for among other things its hyper-religiosity, the public’s embarrassingly prevalent belief in alien abductions and for the inability of one-fifth of its population to locate the nation on a map. Labelled for so long as ignorant by the rest of the world and by elite, self-loathing Yanks, many Americans have come to accept as true their global inferiority in all matters intellectual. However, in what is sure to be welcome news to Americans, it appears that the Russian people may be even more dim-witted and liquor-dissipated than their hygienic Western counterparts.
“Is True. Dr. Grigori May Be Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo, But Is Not Typical Russian. Typical Russians Is Not Brilliant.”
This assertion is bolstered by the news that in Russia–Russia! The nation that beat the US into space!—1 in 3 adults believes that the sun revolves around the earth.
Declassified Soviet Documents Reveal The Real Reason For Russia’s Interest In Space: They Believed The Aether Was Filled With Life-Giving Vodka.
Promethean Times 
Doesn’t it…. ? Oh no, I’ve been wrong all this time… *help*
Never mind though; I’m an Aussie…!
I’m pretty sure that makes you fourth on the list, after the US, Russia and Mexico!
Okay; I concede… 🙂 *Darn*…
How do you make such awful things so funny? I want to know, because I am really not the type to laugh at this stuff, but you’ve totally got me. So wrong, and yet so very, very right. . .
Thanks, RT!
Well, I like to make fun of things–pretty much everything. So, in many cases, I actually have great affection for the things I’m skewering. I think we’ve come to the point as a society where we equate making fun of things with hating or disrespecting them. Hating things is a waste of my time, because there’s so much in this world to love and laugh at.
Thanks for reading, RT!
“Hating things is a waste of my time, because there’s so much in this world to love and laugh at.”
That sentence made my morning. Even if it is past noon. 😉
I Think It Is Not I Whom Is The Hilarious One, Smak. That Honor Goes To YOU Much More So Than It Does To Me. Hands Down And Fo SHO! hahahaha
You Crack My Chit Up, Man! 😉
-B.
Thanks, Brad! And by the time you read this response, you should be eating and drinking again. Glad that’s over, Bro!
1 in 3 are Bolshevik holdouts. They and their spawn (and most of the oligarchs and all of the republicans) should be sent to labor camps in Siberia. It could be the new popular place to outsource all our American jobs.
That’s a great suggestion, and it wouldn’t be very expensive. Vodka and black bread would keep those people going for years.
until the next taiga decimating meteor…..and then, problem solved. And we can move on to Walmart.
What is this “space” you speak of?
I know where Russia is on a map. Well, the Russian Tea Room anyway. Same thing, isn’t it?
I’m pretty sure it is. Anyway, I can see Russia from my house!
That’s the benefit of their economy having gone down the sh*tter first. We will open that gap again.
Well, the American educational system has been deteriorating for over 40 years. I’m not sure the economy has as much to do with it as is popularly thought. In America, we spend more money per pupil than many of the “smart” countries, yet our children grow progressively more stupid. I think it has to do with how we’re educating our kids.
Our colleges are (according to the Economist) still the best in the world, BUT apparently Asian universities are rapidly bridging the gap. The thing which, in the past, made our higher education superior was that we concentrated on critical thinking–how to think about what you’ve been taught. Anecdotally speaking, that appears to be on the decline. It’s all but gone from the public school system.
But I don’t think the economy will help, that’s for sure.
I agree there is a lot more to it than that, I was just making a joke. Granted a poor economy and education cut backs is not going to help the situation.
Do you know anything about how the money is spent? You mention that the US spends more per head, but do you know what on? Is the figure derived because Teachers earn higher salaries? Is it a general figure derived from all types of courses, for example a lot of funding might go into sports courses, thus inflating the overall figure. I don’t know the answers, I’m just wondering. These figures are seldom as simple as they appear.
I would also agree about the critical thinking and I think to some extent that is also a problem in the UK as well. Both seem to have rested on their lofty positions whilst everyone else worked out where they were going wrong. Now they have forgotten what won the race to begin with.
Do you know anything about how the money is spent
I meant to reply to this ages ago, because it’s an excellent question. No, I don’t know. And as a person who distrusts statistics anyway, I probably shouldn’t go making statements like $$$ per pupil when I don’t know for sure upon what that’s based. However, I think that a huge portion of it is spent on teachers’ salaries and their benefits. Both my mother and my grandmother were teachers, and I can attest that the benefits are pretty lavish. Anyone who retires broke from teaching is doing something wrong.
I imagine that figure also includes resources, everything from textbooks to the schools themselves. And I imagine that a not-inconsiderable figure might be spent on lawsuits and the like.
But I don’t know.
I agree that the overall effect of a slumping economy and educational cutbacks won’t help most students. However, looking on the positive side, if it induces some parents to seek alternative education for their kids (private or home-schooling), then at least that child benefits.
Personally, I don’t think education will improve until we drastically rethink the current model. Already there are private learning centers which employ a variety of teaching methods (including the standard classroom set up). Also, I think the best and brightest are not attracted to teaching, NOT because of the pay but because the profession is so delineated now it’s become a service job that requires five years of school. I graduated from college thinking I would make a career out of teaching. I taught for a few years at an after-school clinic and I loved it–I had a lot of success with my students. But I quickly understood that were I to teach in the public schools, the individual gifts I could bring to the table would not be available to me. I’d basically be reading from a script and doing a lot of busy work. I think THAT’s the big problem with education.
Yes it’s all very interesting with no easy answers. There needs to be a switch in focus on what is taught, and how, in schools, with some room around the edges for bringing something extra. I don’t know how this would happen in a country where in some areas, they would rather teach e.g. religion rather than various scientific topics, regardless of whether they think it is right or people believe it or not. I do like in the UK that in respect of that, there has to be a certain level of science (a mix of chemistry, biology and physics until age 16). In a subject termed “Religious Education” (I’m not sure to what age that is compulsory now) it has to be balanced to teach about religion on general, and focus on several of the “major” religions. That is not to say there are not problems in the way subjects are taught, same as as you mention above, but that is one step or two in the right direction.
As regards higher education college / university, then funding has more of an impact. When the economy dropped, a close family member of mine found that she could not do most of the things she wanted to do at college due to budget cutbacks. Her 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th choice practically went, and moving elsewhere to get them was not an option. So in that instance the economy was definitely having an impact, and she wasn’t alone.
We’re not the worst! We’re not the worst! USA! USA! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Why do you think we keep Mexico around?
Ok, I need to know. Is the statement that one out of every five Americans cannot find our country on a map true? Or is this a Smaktakular invention? Because if it’s true, then I might as well just give up and watch Honey Boo Boo.
Is the statement that one out of every five Americans cannot find our country on a map true?
I’m not sure that’s the right question. It is NOT a Smaktakular invention, but a “real” statistic. Having said that, I don’t know if it’s true. Statistics are so easily manipulated and so poorly-understood. First of all, statistics usually come from an interested group. For example, want to know how many homeless there are? Who do you ask? Well, you go to an expert, a homeless advocate. Unfortunately, the advocate has an incentive to see the statistics as he wants to see them.
Abortion statistics? You might get a different answer if you ask Planned Parenthood than if you ask Operation rescue.
Statistics about minorities in education are fun. Depending on what result is desired, Asians are sometimes left out of the statistics, sometimes included.
You’ll often hear the statistic (used to talk about how poorly-informed Americans are) that X% of Americans don’t know that President Obama is a Christian. This (deliberately, I think) ignores the hard-core religious folks who who what the news says, but believe him to be lying. Whether you think they’re crazy or not, ignoring this demographic skews the results.
So is it true that 1 in 5 Americans can’t find the US on a map? Sadly, it is probably true, but I take statistics with a grain of salt.
You are right to take statistics with a grain of salt. At least those that are related to polling, anyway. It’s all about who makes up that population.
That Russian vodka must be really good….I agree with what you replied to Carrie with…I really think some of those reporting statistics can be extremely biased. (please don’t let her fall in the clutches of Honey Boo Boo, do us an uplifting post next – restore our faith in America).
I visited the former USSR on a student exchange in 1990 and then again in ’91. I can report that they had the dirtiest bus windows in the world, but the most immaculate subway system. You had to spend about a days pay to buy a bottle of coca-cola, but the rents were ridiculously cheap. Poetry books lined their shelves, but they had no idea of their own country’s recent history. They were officially atheists, but many of the young people believed in weird, cosmic New Age-style cults and sects, some of which originated in the USA.
It was a lot like America, only an America flipped upside down in a bottle of vodka, shaken-well, and sifted through the complete works of Franz Kafka.
Nothing I read or hear about that country surprises me.
I’ve never been to Russia, but I’ve been to Poland (all the jokes are true!), so I can believe what you say. I went to Europe for the first time in 1989 on a student tour. There were a couple choices, and I, although I wanted to check out the Soviet Bloc, took the Western Europe package, reasoning that I would see the Warsaw Pact countries the next time I came back. That was a poor choice. I came back only 5 years later in 1994. It was all gone. There was no more East Berlin, just the bad section of Berlin.
Oh my…. and I am Russian….:)
We’re comrades in imbecility!
Thanks for the comment, NYP!
Hey, there many more similarities between Russian and Americans. I can see it so clearly living in New York:-).
I thought the sun turned into the moon and vice versa. It doesn’t? Do they have reality shows in Russia?
Their government is a reality show.
Us Canadians, on the other hand, believe that the void of outer space is made out of delicious maple syrup.
You made me laugh first thing in the morning. I’ve said it before, Canadians are the funniest people on Earth.
Was it a leading question? Perhaps the third were all deaf and just nodded in agreement. If anyone living on this planet could think that the sun revolves around the earth, then I’m going to make a leap of faith and assume that these thinkers also know the world is STILL flat. How nice for them. I hope they don’t fall off. Wait, maybe I do hope they fall off…
Not only is the world flat, but there are terrible sea monsters lurking at the edges of the world!
With wings, no less!
LOL at the photo caption, you successfully made me imagine the Russian accent (the Transylvanian cackling I added myself).
For some reason, I believe everything you wrote here. Americans are parochial. I wouldn’t know anything either if my own parents were as ignorant as I am. But they aren’t, and we discuss a lot of stuff over dinner. I learn from them.
Whereas I am more ignorant and less educated than my own mother, who was likewise more ignorant and less educated than her mother before her. We’re devolving!