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By Smaktakula

Russia Has Long Since Overtaken The United States In Both Skankery And Malodorous Body Funk. Must America Also Cede Her Edge In Catastrophic Idiocy?

The United States is universally lampooned for among other things its hyper-religiosity, the public’s embarrassingly prevalent belief in alien abductions and for the inability of one-fifth of its population to locate the nation on a map. Labelled for so long as ignorant by the rest of the world and by elite, self-loathing Yanks, many Americans have come to accept as true their global inferiority in all matters intellectual. However, in what is sure to be welcome news to Americans, it appears that the Russian people may be even more dim-witted and liquor-dissipated than their hygienic Western counterparts.

“Is True. Dr. Grigori May Be Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo, But Is Not Typical Russian. Typical Russians Is Not Brilliant.”

This assertion is bolstered by the news that in Russia–Russia! The nation that beat the US into space!1 in 3 adults believes that the sun revolves around the earth.

Declassified Soviet Documents Reveal The Real Reason For Russia’s Interest In Space: They Believed The Aether Was Filled With Life-Giving Vodka.