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Daily Archives: October 19, 2010

News of the Duh: The Orgasm Gap

19 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Science

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Arturo the Pool Boy, female orgasm, male orgasm, males' capacity for self-delusion, News of the Duh, orgasm gap, sex, Smaktakula's 100% kill ratio, Smaktakula's troubling insecurity, studies, surveys, Tardsie, University of Indiana

By Smaktakula

According to the results of a two-decade survey by researchers at the University of Indiana, men reported that their sexual partners reached orgasm much more frequently than they actually did.* 85% of men believed they had brought their last partner to orgasm, while only 64% of women agreed.

"No Man Has Ever Made Me Feel Like That. For Reals."

Curiously, when women were asked about the frequency of their male partner’s orgasm, they were much more likely to be correct.  Both women and men pegged this figure at 99% (plus or minus 1% percent margin of error).

These data lead to the inescapable conclusion that men are simply better than women at achieving orgasm, with many men reporting the ability to climax within seconds of initiating coitus, and in some cases even earlier.  Although there has yet been no serious effort to study this phenomenon, we attribute this disparity to the remarkable amount of rigorous self-study undertaken by most males, particularly during adolescence.

*Promethean Times does not support this conclusion–we believe the percentage of satisfied women to be much higher than reported by the Indiana survey.  An in-house survey seems to support our theory.  We surveyed the male Promethean Times staffers (Smaktakula, Tardsie and Arturo the Pool Boy). Our results indicate that in their combined lifetime total of seven sexual encounters, their various partners experienced orgasm 100% of the time.  This flies in the face of . . . oh . . .wait.
We get it now.  Thanks?

Nimrod The Hunter

19 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in History, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

badassery, jackassery, Nimrod, Star Wars Kid, the Bible, the Hunter, the Talmud

By Smaktakula

Very little is known about Nimrod the Hunter, and much of the information available about the ancient ruler is of uncertain historical accuracy.  Moreover, some texts, like the Bible and Talmud, offer differing accounts of Nimrod’s life.

Believed by some to be a wise and learned king, by others to be an incestuous despot whose hubris spawned the Tower of Babel, it’s difficult to describe the historical figure of Nimrod with any certainty.  However, all sources agree on one point: Nimrod was an unparalleled badass.

"Nimrod The Hunter Demands Wenches And Ale!"

Tragically, although Nimrod’s renown has long since faded into historical silence, his name remains in common use.  But instead of tough-guy machismo, the name is now associated with dudes like this:

What A Fucking Nimrod.

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