Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

By Smaktakula

For Real?--A Horse? So What, Are You Fucking Zorro Now? See, This Is Exactly What Everybody's Been Trying To Tell You. It's This Kind Of Bullshit That Makes You A Second-Rater.

Dateless fanboys and Marlboro-sucking bull dykes would seem to make an unlikely pairing.  And yet, these two  disparate groups find themselves united in their despair over the television networks’ collective ambivalence to Wonder Woman’s return to the small screen.  Despite the current spate of popular animated shows featuring superheroes, Wonder Woman just isn’t pushing anyone’s buttons.

Hmm. Ditch The Top And Call Us When You've Lost About Five Pounds. Keep The Rope, Though. The Rope Works.

Wonder Woman may be something of a mystery to readers familiar with “real” superheros such as Superman or Spider-Man.  Created in the 1970s as a showcase for Lynda Carter‘s magnificent rack,* Wonder Woman was a feminine counterpoint to the physical perfection and strength of Superman.  In those dim, hardscrabble days before the ubiquity and staggering variety of internet pornography, horny men would tune in week after week, enduring a succession of moronic plots and ridiculous contrivances such as an invisible jet in which the pilot would always remain clearly visible, in the hopes that just maybe Wonder Woman would jiggle a little as she tied the bad guys up.

Lynda Carter's Ample, Well-Rounded Talents Lent Themselves Readily To The Subject Matter; They Were Firm And Resolute, But Supple Enough To Express A Bountiful Sensitivity.

Nowadays Wonder Woman is only read by quiet, friendless little girls and perhaps the occasional boy too inept to access the low-hanging fruit that is internet porn.  Given this, it’s not terribly surprising that an animated Wonder Woman is finding no takers.

"Here She Comes. Don't Make It Look Like You're Watching! Seriously! She'll See Us, And I'll Crack Up. God, She's Such A Weirdo. I Don't Think She Thinks Anyone Can See Her In That Stupid 'Invisible Plane.' And Have You Seen Her Feet? What Is Wrong With Those--OH HI WW! We Were Just Talking About You!"

This begs the question: Would the heroine have fared better if she were a man?  Given the rampant sexism in the media, it might be easy enough to imagine that a “Wonder Man” might have succeeded where Wonder Woman failed, and been given his own show.

Covers Like This Keep A Sad Franchise Chugging Along.

Not likely.  Actually, there is a Wonder Man, and he is without question the lamest hero of all time.

"Uhmm-m" Is Right. You Suck, Assweasel.

*Oh, is that not how it happened?  Hey–no one cares, nerd.  ∞T.
Advertisements