Tags
American Civil War, Confederacy, Confederate States of America, CSA, Grand Cyclops, KKK, Klansman, Ku Klux Klan, license plate, losers don't get to write history, Magnolia State, Masada, Mississippi, mouth-breathing halfwits, Nathan Bedford Forrest, Robert Byrd, that trick never works, the Alamo, The Sons of Confederate Veterans, The South, The South Will Rise Again!, Thermopylae, Uncle-Daddy, War Between the States, West Virginia
By Smaktakula
"Fellers, Y'all Do Know We Done Already Lost That Fight With Them Yankee Sumbitches, Right?"
In the Magnolia State, old ghosts have risen to once again fan the embers of division and reignite the conflagration that civilized America believed long-dead. It seems that after nearly two centuries of statehood, Mississippi just can’t get its act together.
The state’s most recent trouble began when the Mississippi Division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans proposed a state license plate commemorating the end of the War Between the States, known in places long-accustomed to indoor plumbing as the American Civil War. This request is somewhat unusual since, with rare exceptions in incidents of transcendent courage such as Masada, the Alamo or Thermopylae–losers are not typically commemorated.
So Is This What Your Great-Grandaddy Fought So Hard For? Just Checking.
Even more controversial is the SCV’s choice of Nathan Bedford Forrest‘s image for the new license plate. Forrest is a contentious figure because he was a Confederate Lieutenant General during the Civil War. That, and he was an early and influential member of the Ku Klux Klan.
If Mississippi chooses to honor Forrest by issuing the offensive license plate, it will invite turmoil from within the state and opprobrium without. Moreover, the leech-choked mudpatch would become the first state to so lavishly celebrate a Klansman since West Virginia, which continues to name just about everything within its borders in honor of former KKK Grand Cyclops, Robert Byrd.
While it may be too much to ask that Mississippi pull itself fully into the 21st Century, we suggest a more modest goal. Perhaps the state could shoot for 1978 or 1979?
Promethean Times 
‘Tain’t no War a-‘tween th’ States, it be th’ War of Northern Aggression.
Your mostly-correct use of standardized spelling reveals you for a northern-educated Yankee spy!
Isn’t Nathan Bedford Forrest, Forrest Gump’s great grandfather?
Great-Great actually. Where the confusion comes in is that he’s also Gump’s Great-Uncle. Thanks for the comment!