American Civil War, Confederacy, Confederate States of America, CSA, Grand Cyclops, KKK, Klansman, Ku Klux Klan, license plate, losers don't get to write history, Magnolia State, Masada, Mississippi, mouth-breathing halfwits, Nathan Bedford Forrest, Robert Byrd, that trick never works, the Alamo, The Sons of Confederate Veterans, The South, The South Will Rise Again!, Thermopylae, Uncle-Daddy, War Between the States, West Virginia
In the Magnolia State, old ghosts have risen to once again fan the embers of division and reignite the conflagration that civilized America believed long-dead. It seems that after nearly two centuries of statehood, Mississippi just can’t get its act together.
The state’s most recent trouble began when the Mississippi Division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans proposed a state license plate commemorating the end of the War Between the States, known in places long-accustomed to indoor plumbing as the American Civil War. This request is somewhat unusual since, with rare exceptions in incidents of transcendent courage such as Masada, the Alamo or Thermopylae–losers are not typically commemorated.
Even more controversial is the SCV’s choice of Nathan Bedford Forrest‘s image for the new license plate. Forrest is a contentious figure because he was a Confederate Lieutenant General during the Civil War. That, and he was an early and influential member of the Ku Klux Klan.
If Mississippi chooses to honor Forrest by issuing the offensive license plate, it will invite turmoil from within the state and opprobrium without. Moreover, the leech-choked mudpatch would become the first state to so lavishly celebrate a Klansman since West Virginia, which continues to name just about everything within its borders in honor of former KKK Grand Cyclops, Robert Byrd.
The South Will Rise Again!
No it won’t neither. You hush up an’ eat that possum ‘fore it gets cold, now.
bigotry, despotism, Elvis Aaron Presley, embarrassing historical record, impoverished first-world hellhole, impoverished third-world hellhole, inbreeding, intolerance, ladyparts, Mississippi, Mississippi > North Korea, North Korea, places that suck, Pyongyang, slavery, The South, theocratic cultural backwaters, Uncle-Daddy, William Faulkner, you can't tell us that 'Pyongyang' doesn't sound like a filthy word to you
Although impoverished third-world hellhole North Korea and impoverished first-world hellhole Mississippi are roughly the same size, have similar literacy rates and offer an almost identical standard of living, the Southern US state has an edge over the isolated Asian regime: North Korea has yet to produce either an Elvis or a Faulkner.
“Ha! Ladyparts! Good one, E!”
cable networks, Canada, chewing tobacco, dangerous people, death by Don King, death by kicking, Deep South, Deliverance, Don King, historians, History, inbreeding, jackassery, Kansas, Kinglish, Larry the Cable Guy, money for nothing, NASCAR, non-historians, Only in America, rednecks, scary people, stereotypes, stupid people, sweet hockey moves, the unfunnying of America, TV for idiots, Uncle-Daddy, unfunny comedians, untalented stars, you got a real purty mouth
Cretinous stereotype Larry The Cable Guy has teamed with infotainment network History for the new series Only In America, which profiles such uniquely American innovations as the origins of NASCAR or the popularization of smokeless tobacco. History, formerly the History Channel, is steadily moving away from history the way MTV fled from music in the early 1990s.
Although Larry is not the first non-historian to host a show on History, the unfunny comedian is thought to be network’s first presenter completely lacking in talent. Nonetheless, History executives are said to be very pleased with Larry. Said one, “Who better to honestly present the unvarnished truth of history than a dude from Kansas who honors America by pretending to be a heavily accented dimwit from the Deep South?”
Only in America, which debuts tomorrow, has already attracted its share of critics. Among them is electroshock-coiffed fight promoter Don King, who has for years used the phrase “Only in America” as something of a trademark. King, who once kicked a man to death, is said to be “Inconsolulate” over what he considers “Thieverification of the lowest order,” adding, “This injustitude will be revelated in the shining light of honestifery and greeted with commensurable wrathness!”