Tags
Ask Tardsie, boobs, breastuses, dentists, DMV, dope, gay men, grass, hairless man-boys, hemp, pot, reefer, rocket ships, sadism, sweet sweet cheeba, weed
By Tardsie
So Now We’re Two Miles High.
We are delighted to present a second installment of Ask Tardsie, where we answer your questions–no matter how bizarre or uninformed–as honestly as we feel like.
NOW IN GLORIOUS HEAR–O–VISION!
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Jennifer Worrell is eager to learn how “quaint” made the jump from naughty to nice.
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Tom Simard asks why his dentist insists on humming while he works.
What Malignancy Makes A Man Not Only Enjoy Causing Pain, But Also Go To School For Seven Years To Perfect It?
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Carrie Rubin wonders why television frequently depicts the women of law enforcement in tight, revealing clothing.
The Theory Is That Dudes Would Rather Look At Them Than Commit Crimes.
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Ren Kyoko wants to know why she’s having trouble finding a boyfriend (she’s cute & doesn’t have bad breath).
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White Lady in the Hood asks how she can make her next DMV visit more pleasurable.
But Just At The DMV.
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A Bonus Blooper!
Tardsie Is Painfully Aware Of How His Laugh Sounds.
We require more questions to feed the beast! Write your inquiries in the space for comments below, or email them to Tardsie@gmail.com. No question is too moronic!
Promethean Times 
Oh my GOD this is so hilarious! Your advice re: DMV is probably the most precious. Or possibly the one about revealing clothing.
thanks for a good start to my day 😉
Thanks a lot, WSS! We’re glad to know we could put a smile on the start of your day.
Reblogged this on "You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" and commented:
HAHAHAHA! PRICELESS, My Peeps, PRICELESS INDEED!!!
Love It LOVE IT, Dude!!!
Thanks a lot, Brad! Glad we could give you a laugh!
Here’s my question for Tardsie: Is your medication taken before, after, or during these q&a sessions?
Great advice for Chicago Blanca. Hope she gets an androgynous sex slave to rub her balls.
Here’s my question for Tardsie: Is your medication taken before, after, or during these q&a sessions?
Thanks, Guap! I could answer that now (yes), but I’ll need questions for the next Ask Tardsie!
We could all use a sex slave or two. The androgynous is just gravy!
You and my old man should hang out together. He’s always saying “If chicks only make 64 cents to every guy’s dollar, why are women bitching that they’re not getting hired? They’re cheaper labor, that’s what everyone wants.” And you’re right about the female law-enforcement premise—my rack has been known to disarm people. It’s easier than doing it with a gun.
Clearly yours is a wise “old” man.
Not only is boob-disarmament easier, it’s much more humane and pleasant for everyone involved.
Smak, this is so funny. Never knew that about quaint — appreciate your clearing that up and I’ll never look at these warm little villages that surround me the same again. Also, thanks for the enlightenment of why women dress the way they do — it is so we’ll be noticed for the intelligent creatures we are and I think we’re gaining ground.
Here’s my question: Why are men only able to focus on one thing at a time and women are far better multi-taskers?
Thanks for the question and the kind words, Brigitte! First men will notice the breastuses, and then the brains.
I’ll never need to google anything again or open another reference book. Not with Tardsie out there. How can I ever thank the sac(k) for his endless wisdom? I can’t, obviously.
Very funny. Very original. And very clever.
By the way, “Is it safe?” (Great movie. Unless you’re Dustin Hoffman’s character.)
Is it safe? Awesome.
Thanks for the kind words, Carrie. These are always a lot of fun to do, but I have to squeeze them in because I feel like I’m cheating on my rapidly-looming deadline.
Arturo, Arturo, where art thou? Alas, I have no sex slave….dammit to hell. I think I’ll go with the winking and rubbing my tongue across my bottom lip….oh yeah, baby – hopefully, I won’t bring home anything nasty from the DMV.
Smakington, you are funny. I love your voice!
Do you work for NASA?
This is an amazing idea. Ha. I hate that I didn’t think of it first. Good work, PT.
Thanks! Although, to be fair, the notion of an advice column is not ours originally. We ripped it off from this hag named Abby.
And hey, if you give us a question to answer (and don’t think it has to be within our area of expertise; nothing delights us more than talking at length on a subject about which we know nothing), you can take our purloined and unoriginal idea for free!
Bahahahah ! ! ! I had an epiphany a few months ago ! I declined a perfectly nice guy’s after school invitation coz I was more eager to go home and finish the video game I was playing… I was fighting the last Boss. I just had to defeat him…. I knew I was this close …. I was thinking of a good strategy the whole day. He he he
PS…. why do I have this feeling you’ve just talked to my GAY guy friends? * sweat *
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