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Tag Archives: brilliant dirty weirdos

Russia Narrowing Stupidity Gap

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, News

≈ 39 Comments

Tags

alien abductions, America's edge in stupidity, brilliant dirty weirdos, hygiene, ignorance, national stupidity, places that suck, Russia, Russians sure like that vodka, Soviet Union, space program, UFO abductions, United States of America, USSR, Why am I so stupid?, Yuri Gagarin

By Smaktakula

Russia Has Long Since Overtaken The United States In Both Skankery And Malodorous Body Funk. Must America Also Cede Her Edge In Catastrophic Idiocy?

The United States is universally lampooned for among other things its hyper-religiosity, the public’s embarrassingly prevalent belief in alien abductions and for the inability of one-fifth of its population to locate the nation on a map. Labelled for so long as ignorant by the rest of the world and by elite, self-loathing Yanks, many Americans have come to accept as true their global inferiority in all matters intellectual. However, in what is sure to be welcome news to Americans, it appears that the Russian people may be even more dim-witted and liquor-dissipated than their hygienic Western counterparts.

“Is True. Dr. Grigori May Be Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo, But Is Not Typical Russian. Typical Russians Is Not Brilliant.”

This assertion is bolstered by the news that in Russia–Russia! The nation that beat the US into space!—1 in 3 adults believes that the sun revolves around the earth.

Declassified Soviet Documents Reveal The Real Reason For Russia’s Interest In Space: They Believed The Aether Was Filled With Life-Giving Vodka.

Urinator: Rise Of The Mathematicians

01 Tuesday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, News, Science

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

academic, bad jokes, brilliant dirty weirdos, Cal State Northridge, California, Captain Kirk, Captain Picard, Dr. Grigori Perelman, formalism, immaturity, improper behavior, infinite sets, mathematicians, mathematics, misanthropes, New York, paraphilia, pee, PISS, pissed off, pranks, Professor Piss, revenge, Star Trek, Tihomir Petrov, urinating in public, urination as revenge, urine, urolangia, water sports

By Smaktakula

Please Refrain From Pissing In Public. What Country Are You From Anyway--New York?

If brilliant dirty weirdo Grigori Perelman has taught us anything about the deliciously enigmatic lives of mathematicians, it is that they are brilliant, dirty and weird.  Some recent academic antics from California State University at Northridge handily corroborate this analysis.

"In Old Days, If Professor Wantink Revenge, He Leave Dead Fish In Enemy's Desk Over Weekend. Now Things Gettink So Crazy."

Enter Tihomir Petrov.  Although Petrov’s possible brilliance has yet to be determined, the mathematics professor has most certainly proven himself a dirty weirdo.  He also apparently likes water sports.

"Urinate! But If Your Tits Were Bigger, You'd Be A Ten! Hahahahahahahahah! People Don't Really Like Me."

Petrov had a grudge against another professor in the math department.  Although the exact nature of the disagreement is not known, it is likely among the typical grievances which erupt occasionally among mathematicians, such as the merits of formalism, the validity of infinite set theory or the relative leadership merits of Captains Picard and Kirk.

Whatever the reasons behind the feud, Petrov chose an unusual way of expressing his displeasure: he pissed all over his colleague’s door.  Apparently, the loveless misanthrope enjoyed relieving himself in this way so much that he did it a few more times.

These Two Nobel Laureates Find Themselves The Receiving End Of The Old "Crap On The Walls" Prank.

However, urine-soaked carpet has a peculiar odor, and was quickly noticed.  School officials secretly installed video cameras at the site of the urine attacks, and before long Professor Piss was captured on film draining the main vein.

Petrov faces two misdemeanors for his December shenanigans, as well as possible action from the University.  Whether Petrov is exonerated for his actions or as seems more likely, falls victim to a justice system ignorant of the specialized and insular rites of academic mathematics, the disgusting madman has certainly taken academic pranksmanship to new and exciting levels.

"I'm Doin' #1 Right Now!"

Why Up-Down Sites Like reddit Are Awesome!

13 Wednesday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

'Lil 'Lil Kim, Brilliant Comrade, brilliant dirty weirdos, China, dateless cyberninjas, dictators, dictatorship of the masses, Dr. Doom, Dr. Grigori Perelman, Face!, General Secretary of the Communist Party, Hu Jintao, Iran, Kim Jong-un, Latveria, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, North Korea, Pat Robertson, Pat Robertson is batshit crazy, popular culture, reddit, repression of dissent, repressive regimes, Russia, Smaktakula's troubling insecurity, vote down, vote up

By Smaktakula

Somebody Else reddit So You Don't Have To. You're Welcome.

By voting up what is good and down those things which are not, you can ensure that only quality content finds its way to the masses, burying those weird notions and unpleasant ideas to which no right-thinking person would ever want to expose himself.

"I Know! It's Totally Great!"

"I Vote Down What I D-D-Don't Understand."

"Why Must You Pester, Dr. Grigori? You Know I Only Live For Mathematics.

"We Regard This Idea As Swollen With Truth And Sticky Goodness."

"We Employ A Similar System With Our News Media. The Big Difference Is That Instead Of "Voting You Up," You Are Allowed To Live. Otherwise They're Pretty Much The Same."

"Feel The Wrath Of Doom As I And My Techno-Posse Of Dateless Cyberninjas Silence You With Our Keyboards. FACE!"

"Because There Are Some Things Which Should Not Be Discussed. Unless You Want God To Destroy Your City Through A Natural Disaster. What? I'm Just Sayin'."

We Ache For Your Approval.

Movies With Misleading Titles: A Beautiful Mind

13 Monday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Science

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

A Beautiful Mind, brilliant dirty weirdos, crazy people, Freemasonry, game theory, genius, John Nash, mental illness, mental illness is not funny, Nobel laureates, paranoid schizophrenia, Russell Crowe, Zionism

By Smaktakula

John Nash endures a very serious mental condition which prevents him from living a life most people would consider normal; there’s nothing beautiful about paranoid schizophrenia.  That it is both tragic and debilitating only deepens the poignancy of Nash’s intellectual achievements.  

You should rightly be ashamed for mocking mental illness.  We hope you’re proud of yourself.  

"Game Theory Has Been Usurped By Freemasons And Zionists!"

Nerds Demonstrate Some Value In Non-Technical Applications

26 Monday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

America's Finest City, brilliant dirty weirdos, California, Captain James T. Kirk, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Captain Kathryn Janeway, comic books, Comic Con 2010, dignity, dweebs, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, Face Front True Believer!, fanboys, geeks, God Hates Fags, internet pornography, living in mom's basement, Lord Gomorrah, Mr. Spock, nerds, never-seen girlfriend in the Niagara Falls area, Optimus Prime, religious intolerance, Reverend Fred Phelps, San Diego, Scripps Mercy Hospital, spazzes, Spider-Man, Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager, storm trooper, super heroes, super-villainry, weirdos, Westboro Baptist Church, with great power comes great responsibility

By Smaktakula

It was San Diego’s darkest hour; America’s Finest City found itself in the grip of an unrelenting evil more insidious than any it had heretofore faced.  Across the fair city, harried citizens were paralyzed by a growing sense of doom: a small cadre of thugs, underlings of the odious Lord Gomorrah, had come to the city to share some of their vile asshattery.  Who would champion St. Diego’s city against the scourge of such villainy?

Who?   Who?   Who?

A bunch of overweight dudes in homemade costumes, as it turns out.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: In This Case, Responsibility Means Two Cans Of Crisco And A Shoehorn.

When a handful of the despicable Reverend Fred Phelps’ minions from the Westboro Baptist Church descended upon the 2010 San Diego Comic Con, they were determined to spread the word of a loving God by letting the assembled geeks know that “GOD HATES FAGS.”   Unsurprisingly, the gathering of masked men bedecked in leather and rainbow-hued spandex remained unamused by the message.

True to San Diego’s motto, Semper Vigilans, the asthmatic assemblage was ready for the cretinous crew.  The pimple-ridden posse responded with fervor equal to the sanctimonious blowhards, proclaiming loudly and proudly that Captain Kirk was worth ten Captain Picards.*

As when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, insanity and inanity clashed with catastrophic results, leaving the shamed and demoralized Westboro Baptists to slink away.  Initially it appeared that the overweight avengers would track the evildoers back to their lair by following the trail of slime.  They turned back when it was noticed that the hour had grown late, and someone remarked that the busses stopped running after 9:00 PM.

"This Wasn't Just A Struggle Against Religious Bigotry," Says Sentry 24601, "This Was A Fight For Our Dignity."

Cultural contributions by nerds are various and well-known, including such everyday staples as smartphones, satellite technology and internet pornography.  However, until recently, these contributions had been strictly limited to technology and technology-related applications.  By taking a stand against Phelps & Co., spazzes have now made a non-technical contribution to American culture, however tiny and insignificant.

"Who's Laughing Now, Becky McGinnis? Huh? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?"

Nerds everywhere are said to be delighted by the turn of events.  Telephone and internet providers across the nation are bracing for a tsunami of activity across the information grid as the victorious nerds send word of their bravery.  Expected to be hit especially hard is the Niagara Falls area, where many of the convention-goers’ girlfriends are said to live.

*Sources at the scene insisted that Promethean Times record that those assembled were not able to reach consensus on this issue.  Although the majority were decidedly among the pro-Kirk faction, several felt that Picard outshone Kirk, adding, “Picard did it alone.  Kirk would be nothing without Mr. Spock.  Nothing!”  One participant listed Captain Janeway as his favorite, at which point he was set upon by the others.  As of this writing, he remains in critical condition at Scripps Mercy Hospital.

Not What You Were Looking For?

07 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Cinema, Crime, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, People, Race, Relationships, Television, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

asshat, backwater shithole, Baseball, brilliant dirty weirdos, Bush 41, Charlie Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, choking game, comical despots, Confucius, cooze, crazy bastard, Dear Leader, Dr. Grigori Perelman, dwarf, Gary Coleman, George Bush Sr., George Herbert Walker Bush, hemp, herpes, hippies, huffing, India, Jackpot, K2, Kim Jong-il, lactating, lesbians, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, marijuana, midget, Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley is batshit crazy, Morris the Cat, Nevada, not what you were looking for?, pot, reefer, Shannon Price, small black actor, sniper, Somali pirates, sweet sweet cheeba, Thinksquad, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, weed, Wikipedia, your mother must be very proud, Zen koan

By Smaktakula

We would like to believe that of the nearly 800,000 hits* Promethean Times receives daily, each is a reader who set out specifically to find us.  Of course, this is sometimes not the case.

Here are some of the keywords (noted by boldface) used by folks whom we suspect–and in one or two cases, hope–found us by accident.

small black actor died We can do that.

gary coleman death pictures He was a beautiful human being, and now he’s gone.  What the hell is wrong with you people?

lindsay lohan child pics We’re hoping you mean stills from her films.  We can help you here and here.  But if that’s not what you mean, maybe this is more your speed, Creepo.

Morris the Cat baseball We couldn’t help this guy out, but we’re just glad somebody read Smaktakula’s piece on Morris.

K2 We can do that.

huffing And that.

choking game That too.

somali pirates We can do that.

freshy somalis Um.

backwater shithole We can do that.

proud herpes There’s a proud kind?  Damn.  Smaktakula  kinda wishes he hadn’t rushed out and bought the shameful kind.

difference between a midget and a dwarf You got us.  Try Wikipedia, Asshat.

bush pukes on japanese We can do that.

lesbian lactating Ew.  We don’t do that.  Please return to the fetid basement apartment from which you came.

kim jong il sad Try Thinksquad.  Those crazy bastards are fucking with the Dear Leader as we speak.

dirty russian Hmm.  Hope you were looking for our pal, Grigori.

shannon price evil And a cooze!

pictures mexican children No, however we are in possession of some awesome nude shots of your mom.  Inquire for purchase.

what are the pathos at walmart Damn, Confucius, we could meditate on that Zen koan for years.  In the meantime, try this.

fuck off marijuana Indeed. And take the hippies with you!

charlie sheen first amendment It’s true that Mr. Sheen is a first-rate legal scholar, but we examine other aspects of the Sheen Mystique here and here.

is milton bradley crazy Yes, he is.

giant playground-mcdonalds Were we able to help you?

indian sniper We can do that.

man fuck a horse Your mother must be very proud.

*Note: This figure may not correspond with reality.

USA Today Surprised By Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo’s Committment To Principles

22 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Europe, People, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

$1M prize, brilliant dirty weirdos, crazy bastard, Dr. Grigori Perelman, fake newspaper, journalists, mad Russian genius, Mathsputin, people with unibrows, Poincare Conjecture, refuses prize, Russia, USA Today, who reads USA Today anyway?

Fake newspaper USA Today must believe that brilliant, dirty, Russian weirdo Grigori Perelman is full of shit.  Why else would they think it newsworthy that Perelman didn’t show up to collect his $1M prize for solving the Poincaré Conjecture?     

Readers of Promethean Times know what the “journalists” at USA Today are just finding out: Grigori let the prize committee know what they could do with their $1M ages ago.      

Said Grigori at the time, “I have everything I want.”      

Is Not Even Real Newspaper, Anyway

Is True.  How Many Times Must I Tell You I Am Crazy Bastard.  You Read: Reclusive Russian math genius is a no-show to pick up $1M prize money –.     

Smaktakula

Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said To Have Proved The Existence Of God

31 Monday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Europe, Mythology, People, Religion, Science

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

brilliant dirty weirdos, crazy bastard, Dr. Grigori Perelman, Dr. Grigory Perelman, famous virgins, mad Russian genius, Mathsputin, people with unibrows, Poincare Conjecture, proof of God, proving the existence of God, Russia

Not content to rest on his laurels after conquering the Poincaré Conjecture, Promethean Times’ favorite brilliant, dirty weirdo has apparently gone all metaphyisical.  According to a pal, Grigori Perelman believes he has proven the existence of God.      

Grigori, Grigory . . . Whatever. Is All Good

This information may be suspect, however.  This same friend claims that Perelman is–get this–a virgin.        

The day a brilliant, dirty, Russian weirdo sharing a cockroach-infested apartment with his mother in Ivanhoe, Siberia can’t get laid is the day the sun rises in the west.  Of course, stranger things have happened.      

Is True.  I Am Crazy Bastard Who Proved God Exists.  You Read: Grigory Perelman Uncertain if He Should Be Rewarded for Proving Existence of God – Pravda.Ru.

Smaktakula

Mad Russian Genius Content With Solitary Life Of Vodka-Drenched Squalor

29 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Europe, People, Science, World Affairs

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

$1 Million prize, brilliant dirty weirdos, Clay Mathematics Institute, cockroach-infested, crazy bastard, Dr. Grigori Perelman, intractable math problem, living in squalor, mad Russian genius, Mathsputin, people with unibrows, Poincare Conjecture, recluse, Russia, solved math problem, St. Petersburg, turned down prize money, weirdos, world's cleverest man

Not Only Is Grigori Blessed With Movie-Star Looks, But He Also Won Some Math Thing

The solution to the fiercely intractable Poincare Conjecture was thought to be so elusive that the Clay Mathematics Institute offered a prize of $1 million to anyone who could provide a verifiable answer.  Russian mathematician Dr. Grigori Perelman has solved it.          

It turns out that the crazy bastard is refusing the prize money: the excruciating and now-thankless mathematical task was apparently reward enough.           

In a nation known for brilliant dirty weirdos, Dr. Perelman is certainly the most superlative brilliant dirty weirdo to appear on the Russian math scene in some time.            

Said to be the world’s cleverest man, Dr Grigori Perelman, 44, lives as a recluse in a bare cockroach-infested flat in St Petersburg. He said through the closed door: ‘I have all I want.’            

The Doctor certainly has the right attitude, and if Perelman’s life is compared to another person’s–say a prisoner in a South American jail–it doesn’t look half bad.  No doubt the eligible ladies of St. Petersburg are asking themselves, Is there by any chance a Mrs. Dr. Perelman?            

Perelman’s complete lack of avarice is both commendable and refreshing (this is perhaps the only quality which might be called refreshing in a man whose funk is so formidable that its reek escapes the two-dimensional confines of a photographic image).  However, no one would think any worse of the brilliant mathematician if he were to accept $25-$50 of the prize money, with which he could purchase a grooming tool at the St. Petersburg Bed, Bath & Beyond. 

If Perelman can solve the Gordian Knot of mathematics, surely he can do something about that unibrow.            

Is True.  I Am Crazy Bastard.  You Read: World’s cleverest man turns down $1million prize after solving one of mathematics’ greatest puzzles | Mail Online.            

Smaktakula

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