Please Refrain From Pissing In Public. What Country Are You From Anyway--New York?
If brilliant dirty weirdo Grigori Perelman has taught us anything about the deliciously enigmatic lives of mathematicians, it is that they are brilliant, dirty and weird. Some recent academic antics from California State University at Northridge handily corroborate this analysis.
"In Old Days, If Professor Wantink Revenge, He Leave Dead Fish In Enemy's Desk Over Weekend. Now Things Gettink So Crazy."
Enter Tihomir Petrov. Although Petrov’s possible brilliance has yet to be determined, the mathematics professor has most certainly proven himself a dirty weirdo. He also apparently likes water sports.
"Urinate! But If Your Tits Were Bigger, You'd Be A Ten! Hahahahahahahahah! People Don't Really Like Me."
Petrov had a grudge against another professor in the math department. Although the exact nature of the disagreement is not known, it is likely among the typical grievances which erupt occasionally among mathematicians, such as the merits of formalism, the validity of infinite set theory or the relative leadership merits of Captains Picard and Kirk.
Whatever the reasons behind the feud, Petrov chose an unusual way of expressing his displeasure: he pissed all over his colleague’s door. Apparently, the loveless misanthrope enjoyed relieving himself in this way so much that he did it a few more times.
These Two Nobel Laureates Find Themselves The Receiving End Of The Old "Crap On The Walls" Prank.
However, urine-soaked carpet has a peculiar odor, and was quickly noticed. School officials secretly installed video cameras at the site of the urine attacks, and before long Professor Piss was captured on film draining the main vein.
Petrov faces two misdemeanors for his December shenanigans, as well as possible action from the University. Whether Petrov is exonerated for his actions or as seems more likely, falls victim to a justice system ignorant of the specialized and insular rites of academic mathematics, the disgusting madman has certainly taken academic pranksmanship to new and exciting levels.
"I'm Doin' #1 Right Now!"