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By Smaktakula

Yeah, It Sucks Pretty Bad, But It Beats Being Jake Gyllenhaal. Being John Travolta Still Remains Slightly Preferable, However.

Even a generation ago, many children allergic to staple dietary items like nuts did not survive into adulthood.   But thanks to rapid advances in modern science and a growing societal willingness to forsake the majority for the specialized needs of the very, very few, these kids can now grow up to lead semi-normal lives.  This is accomplished largely by restricting not only what is served in school cafeterias, but also limiting what foods students can bring with them from home.

Some parents of non-allergic or normally-allergic children wonder aloud if these drastic measures are truly necessary.  But parents of children with freakish allergies maintain that they are, pointing out that critics might feel differently if their child was so afflicted.  “If even one child’s life is saved by these restrictions,” says Diana Buford-Milton, whose son Evan gets hives from eating strawberries, “Then the inconveniences suffered by the remaining 99%+ of the population are really a small price to pay.”

The Salty Menace Lurks In The Pantry Waiting To Strike. Your Child Could Be Eating Peanuts Right Now.

Promethean Times agrees vociferously.  Dietary restrictions are an excellent start, but it would be criminal to stop there when kids with unusual allergies are suffering.  The yearly death tolls sometimes reach double-digit figures.

Take for example the plight of children with photodermatitis, an allergy to sunlight.  Blacking out classroom windows and eliminating outside recess would improve their lives considerably.  While it is true that many studies show that sunlight is conducive to good health, Vitamin D supplements should meet the needs of “normal” children during the hours they are in school.  If parents choose to expose their children to sunlight outside of school hours, that’s their right.  But let’s keep our priorities straight: kids go to school to learn, not to work on their tans.

Don’t even get us started on aquagenic pruritus.

C. Montgomery Burns: Allergy Advocate

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