Tags
cable networks, Canada, chewing tobacco, dangerous people, death by Don King, death by kicking, Deep South, Deliverance, Don King, historians, History, inbreeding, jackassery, Kansas, Kinglish, Larry the Cable Guy, money for nothing, NASCAR, non-historians, Only in America, rednecks, scary people, stereotypes, stupid people, sweet hockey moves, the unfunnying of America, TV for idiots, Uncle-Daddy, unfunny comedians, untalented stars, you got a real purty mouth
By Smaktakula
Larry Is Just Another Reason That, If We Had Any Sweet Hockey Moves, We Would Have Moved To Canada Years Ago.
Cretinous stereotype Larry The Cable Guy has teamed with infotainment network History for the new series Only In America, which profiles such uniquely American innovations as the origins of NASCAR or the popularization of smokeless tobacco. History, formerly the History Channel, is steadily moving away from history the way MTV fled from music in the early 1990s.
"I'm A-Goin' To See Larry With My Uncle And Daddy. We're Both Really Big Fans."
Although Larry is not the first non-historian to host a show on History, the unfunny comedian is thought to be network’s first presenter completely lacking in talent. Nonetheless, History executives are said to be very pleased with Larry. Said one, “Who better to honestly present the unvarnished truth of history than a dude from Kansas who honors America by pretending to be a heavily accented dimwit from the Deep South?”
The New History Network: Because Sometimes 'Lifetime' Gets Too Information-Heavy.
Only in America, which debuts tomorrow, has already attracted its share of critics. Among them is electroshock-coiffed fight promoter Don King, who has for years used the phrase “Only in America” as something of a trademark. King, who once kicked a man to death, is said to be “Inconsolulate” over what he considers “Thieverification of the lowest order,” adding, “This injustitude will be revelated in the shining light of honestifery and greeted with commensurable wrathness!”
"Justifaction Is At Hand, Oh Yes!" Don Is Suspicious Of Those Things From Which He Does Not Receive Direct Compensation.
Promethean Times 
Reminds me of the Ozarks.
As well it should. How long before Larry The Cable Guy is a Branson regular? He can team up with Yakoff Smirnoff.
“In Soviet Union, Yakoff Smirnoff teams up with YOU!”
. . . wait, hang on, I don’t think that works. I don’t know how Smirnoff does it—he’s a GENIUS.
I would never have guessed that I’d end up on Don King’s side of anything, but if this situation can be resolved in a way that involves Larry the Cable Guy getting slapped around for a while, I hope it ends up on pay-per-view.
If it did end up on pay-per-view, we’ve got a good idea of who would be pocketing the revenue.
“Only In America!”