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By Smaktakula

Isn't This The Chick Who Accosted Us Outside Of 7-11 And Wouldn't Shut Up About Her "Tweaker Piece Of Shit Baby Daddy" Until We Gave Her A Quarter?

The date for Lindsay Lohan’s final, pathetic implosion remains unknown, but draws inexorably closer.  Throughout her short life, the Flower of American Skankhood has faced a number of legal difficulties both domestically and abroad, but can now add a new charge to her growing rap sheet: grand theft.

LiLo is accused of boosting a $2,500 necklace from a California Jewelry store in January, less than a month after ending her most recent rehab stay.  Although the sticky-fingered celebriskank had not heretofore been charged with theft, she is suspected in several recent clothing-related heists.

Having snorted the bulk of her dwindling resources, Lohan may not be able to enlist the services of a top-flight lawyer, and it’s unlikely that she’ll receive a helping hand from Hollywood with her star so rapidly on the wane.  However, some LiLophiles see a silver lining in the event that Lohan is compelled to do jail time.  Every day that the drug-addled has-been spends behind bars is another day that she cheats the untimely and degrading death which awaits her.

Unlike Marilyn Monroe, LiLo Lacks Talent And Has Never Banged A President. Although One Of Those Is Within Lindsay's Reach, Bill Clinton Will Never Be Able To Make Her Talented.