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By Smaktakula

If There's One Lesson Life Teaches You, It's That The Biggest Threat To Wood Comes From The Beaver.

Lop-dicked loser John Wayne Bobbitt can thank his lucky stars that his wife wasn’t as smart–or as ruthless– as Garden Grove California’s Catherine Kieu Becker.  Bobbitt, it will be remembered, was such an abusive asshole that his wife Lorena sliced off his penis and threw it in a field.  After hours of surgery, the dick’s dick was reattached, and he went on to have a minor career as a porn oddity.

Losing His Penis Didn't Make Bobbitt Any Less Of A Dick, Just Less Of A Man.

But Becker was no amateur; she ensured that her estranged husband would rue forever the day he incurred her wrath.  Like Bobbitt, Becker sliced off her husband’s penis, using a ten-inch knife.  But rather than just leave the severed pecker somewhere it might possibly be found and reattached, Becker ran her husband’s manhood through the garbage disposal before calling 911.

Sometimes, Even When She's Wrong, The Best Thing To Do Is To Apologize.

Although several penis-chunks were recovered, doctors were unable to reattach the ruined Johnson.  It is hoped that Becker’s husband will be made whole again when medical science advances to such a degree that a few grams of shredded beef can be restored to its former condition as a fully-functional sexual organ.