Tags
alternate history, Casey Anthony, Caylee Anthony, death by shiv, Florida, Hello Kitty, Janet Reno, justice, Lowell Correctional Institute, outright lies, revenge, rumors we wish were true, shiv, unpunished
By Smaktakula
She's The Only One Shedding Tears.
Lowell Correctional Institute, Florida: The news of Casey Anthony’s death has been met with worldwide jubilation. This morning, guards found the 25-year-old murderess lying unconscious in the showers, face down in a rapidly spreading pool of her own blood. She was later pronounced dead at the prison infirmary.
Anthony was convicted by a Florida court earlier this year for killing her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee Marie Anthony, and was serving the first of eight consecutive life sentences. Anthony’s crimes were thought especially heinous due to her complete lack of remorse. The young skank continued her hedonistic partygirl lifestyle long after dumping her daughter’s lifeless body into a shallow grave and then forgetting she ever existed.
Somber Crowds React To The News Of The Murderess' Death.
Investigators have recovered what they believe is the weapon used to murder Anthony, a crude shiv fashioned from a Hello Kitty barrette. She was stabbed at least 37 times.
Prison officials say they have identified a suspect in the killing. The accused killer, Joanna “Larry” Belkins, is serving a fifteen-year sentence for armed robbery, and has been placed into solitary confinement while authorities conduct their investigation.
The As-Yet-Unpunished Killer.
Prison representatives contend that their primary focus is swift justice for Casey Anthony. Said one official who asked not to be named, “We’re making this a top priority. Of course, with the holidays coming up, we’re a little understaffed, so we’ll probably have to wait until after the New Year.” When another worker added that there were two guards’ retirement parties planned for January, the representative added, “It’ll probably have to wait until after Valentine’s Day.”
Casey's In A Better Place Now.
Promethean Times 
Actually, Casey never went to prison at all in her life, she was only confined in the jail until she was acquitted and then released after she concluded some time for lying. Need more clarifications? If so, e-mail me directly.
Good catch, Jan. If there’s any lesson we can take from this, it’s that you should always read a story closely before commenting.
Alternate History and Satire in one blog post. Interesting.
Thanks, Troy! We like to think that our greatest gift to journalism is our seamless blend of facts and outright lies.