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By Smaktakula

1) He couldn’t play guitar.

2) Unlike his cousin Sam, a successful brewer to this day, he had no marketable skills.

3) His career as a psychic proved a bust when he made well-publicized but shitty predictions like this one:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.*

A Lack Of Real Options Forced The Presidency Upon Him.

*Thomas Jefferson’s response: “Have fun at your ‘July 2nd’ party, loser!  See the rest of y’all on Sunday.  Bring chicks.”