By Smaktakula

In 2010, female beauty is ubiquitous.  It pouts on the covers of magazines, stares down larger-than-life upon  billboards visible from space, and shakes its ass on television.  Braces, liposuction, hair extensions, implants and the like have created a revolution in appearance.

The standard of beauty changes over time.  Raquel Welch would today be forced to work as a plus-sized model if she wanted a career in the public eye.   Rather than rhapsodize about her stunning curves as they did in her day, probably the highest compliment Welch could obtain today would be, “You know, Raquel really knows how to make herself look pretty.  Good for her.”

Today’s beauties are very different–toned, honed and siliconed.  They dance across the public’s eye for a moment and then are gone.  Another difference between old and new beauty: new beauty is disposable.

The media would have us believe that beauty is not in the eye  of the beholder, but instead falls within a rather narrow scale.  Beauty is no longer subjective.

To see whether that’s true, we consulted no less a source than Maxim, the snarky men’s magazine with soft-core aspirations.  We present a few selections from Maxim’s 2010 Hot 100.  Judge for yourself.

#87 Chelsea Handler: MILFy Comedienne.

#56 Ke$ha–Musical Themed Sex Product.

#54 Britney Spears: Bloated Punch Line.

#9 Kim Kardashian: Callipygous Automaton.

#6 Rihanna: Tomorrow’s Kelis.

#1 Katy Perry: Muppet Plaything.

Although beauty itself may be subjective, perhaps we can judge it based upon its effect upon the culture as a whole.  A truly beautiful woman would not be a creation, but rather a phenomenon, like Helen of Troy, whose beauty was said to have launched the Trojan War.

Based on these criteria, Jodie Foster is the world’s most beautiful woman.