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Tag Archives: Independence Day

This Day In History: July 4, Every Year From 1777 CE To The Present

04 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

1777, death by fireworks, Founding Fathers, Independence Day, inebriation, July 4, this day in history, true meanings of holidays

On which inebriated Americans from all walks of life honor the nation’s birth with a variety of beloved and time-honored traditions, from bedside vigils in any of America’s many first-rate burn wards to the age old-custom of commemorating those bygone freedom-fighters by sacrificing several fingers in the memory of their valiant struggle.

“It Prolly Hurts Like A Sum’bitch, But After Thirteen Golden Nazis, I Can’t Feel A Thing. Hey, Is Someone Cookin’ Pork Rinds? DAMN, Whatever It Is Sure Smells Good!”

Kids, take it from someone who knows: the improper use of fireworks can REALLY fuck up your day. Have a super July 4th, everyone! ∞ T.

Revealed: Why John Adams Became President

02 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, History, Holiday, Humor, Mythology, National Events, National Politics, People, Politics, Relationships, Satire

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

guitar, Independence Day, John Adams, July 2nd, July 4th, lame presidents, marketable skills, President Adams, Samuel Adams, shitty psychics, Thomas Jefferson

By Smaktakula

1) He couldn’t play guitar.

2) Unlike his cousin Sam, a successful brewer to this day, he had no marketable skills.

3) His career as a psychic proved a bust when he made well-publicized but shitty predictions like this one:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.*

A Lack Of Real Options Forced The Presidency Upon Him.

*Thomas Jefferson’s response: “Have fun at your ‘July 2nd’ party, loser!  See the rest of y’all on Sunday.  Bring chicks.”

This Day In History: July 2, 1776 CE

02 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, Holiday, Mythology, National Events, People, Relationships, Social Networking

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

1776, all men are created equal, Declaration of Independence, Founding Fathers, Great Britain, Independence Day, John Hancock, July 2nd, July 4th, King George III, liberty, Liberty Hall, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, Redcoats, taxation without representation, this day in history, Thomas Jefferson, United States of America

On which the Founding Fathers tell the tyrant King George III what he can do with his onerous taxes and hated Redcoats.

“Brothers, Let These Words Ring Out Not Only Across A Grateful Nation, But Also May They Resound Throughout Almighty Posterity Itself: Because In Signing This, We Are Good And Truly Fucked.”

Happy Independence Day 2011

04 Monday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2011, dumb kids and the dumb things they do to fuck up their lives, fireworks, holidays, Independence Day, July 4th, United States of America


Fireworks: Even More Fun Outdoors.

Be safe, kids–you’d be surprised at the potential mayhem  you can cause with a handful of firecrackers, if you really put your mind to it. ∞T.

Happy Independence Day!

04 Sunday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Cinema, Culture, History, Holiday, Mythology

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

4th of July, Declaration of Independence, fireworks, hooks, Independence Day, July 4th, Live and Let Die, prosthetics, Tee Hee

Wanna Play 'Who Can Hold A Lit M80 The Longest?' I Should Warn You: I've Played Before.

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