20 Thursday Oct 2011
Tags
bad hair day, dumb kids and the dumb things they do to fuck up their lives, getting back at mom and dad, odious hairstyles, the stupid things white people do to their hair, youth
It's Difficult To Find A Personal Style Which Strikes Precisely The Delicate Balance Between A Fashion Statement Shocking Enough To Upset Mom & Dad, And One Which Doesn't Make You Look Like A Complete Asshole.
01 Friday Jul 2011
Posted in Culture
Tags
African-Americans, Al Sharpton, Alicia Keyes, Arsenio Hall, black men, civil rights, dreadlocks, fauxhawk, follicular douchebaggery, freedom to look like an idiot, James Brown, men, Michael Jackson, mullets, nasty blond dreadlocks, odious hairstyles, pimps, preachers, Snoop Dogg, straight hair, white people
Seriously--Is There Anyone Who Thinks This Looks Good?
Look, this is America–really, you can wear your hair any way you want. However, in our ongoing battle against follicular douchebaggery, Promethean Times has previously inveighed against such stylistic travesties as the mullet, the fauxhawk and dreadlocks on blond guys. Today, we make a special appeal to black guys across the world: Please don’t straighten your hair.
We’re Just Talking About Dudes. Don’t Change A Thing.
In the very early days of the Civil Rights movement, it was briefly fashionable for African-American men to straighten their hair. However, with the development and solidification of a black racial consciousness, natural hair began to make a comeback, and straight hair began to become a rarity among black men.
A Helpful Abstraction.
However, in 2011 there are still a handful of professions where straightened hair is the norm for African-Americans. Chief among these are preacher, pimp and some combination of the two.
"I FEEL GOOD!" He Looks Good, Too. When You're A Sex Mo-Sheen, You Can Be The Exception To The Rule.
Some quick DOs & DON’Ts:
DON'T!
DON'T!
DON'T!
You're Fine, Ma'am. Sorry To Have Bothered You.
09 Friday Jul 2010
Posted in Art, Culture, General Foolishness, Human Rights, Humor, Islam, Middle East, Religion, World Affairs
Tags
anti-Israel policy, anti-semitism, business up front, David Beckham, Emil Haagerdäddi, fashion police, fauxhawks, Iran, Iranian National Soccer Team, Jews, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, mullahcracy, mullahs, mulletards, mulletocracy, mullets, odious hairstyles, party in the back, religious fanatacism, religious intolerance, soccer mullets, that trick never works, The Achy-Breaky, thuggish jackbootery, wacky mullahs
Taking a momentary respite from its real mission (an ill-defined cocktail consisting mostly of breathlessly awaiting the advent of the New Caliphate and hating the Jews), the Iranian Mullahcracy has struck a blow in the war against bad taste. Iran has banned the mullet and other offensive Western hairstyles.
"Seriously, You Guys Should Be Thanking Me That Someone Finally Had The Courage To Say, 'Hey, You Look Like An Asshole With That Haircut.' I Mean, Geez, I Wouldn't Wish That Rat's Nest On A Filthy Jew."
Wali bin Gud, Iranian Minister of Enlightenment and Cultural Decency, had this to say:
“It is incorrect to say that we have banned offensive Western hairstyles. Rather, as in the case of the mullet and fauxhawk, two particularly odious hairstyles, we have banned offensive hairstyles which happen to be Western.”
Some observers were surprised to see Iran working toward the common good. However, Professor Emil Haagerdäddi, a senior fellow at World Think Center For World Thought, says that Iran is not as altruistic as they might appear.
“You have to remember that everybody must do their thing,” explains the learned academian, “Get their freak on, as it were. In this way, national bodies are no different than individuals. Iran’s thing is, and always has been, repression. Aside from swap-meet style rugs, thuggish jackbootery is perhaps their best-known national product.”
Reaction to the mullet ban has not been universally positive. FIFA called it “Repression of the cruelest kind. When you strip a man of his mullet, you strip him also of his very soul.”
Look At This Picture: How Can Hating This Douche Be Wrong?
The Iranian National Soccer Team was said to be particularly disconsolate.
Can You Do Something About Comb-Overs? Iran bans the mullet | World news | The Guardian.
Promethean Times 