African-Americans, Al Sharpton, Alicia Keyes, Arsenio Hall, black men, civil rights, dreadlocks, fauxhawk, follicular douchebaggery, freedom to look like an idiot, James Brown, men, Michael Jackson, mullets, nasty blond dreadlocks, odious hairstyles, pimps, preachers, Snoop Dogg, straight hair, white people
Look, this is America–really, you can wear your hair any way you want. However, in our ongoing battle against follicular douchebaggery, Promethean Times has previously inveighed against such stylistic travesties as the mullet, the fauxhawk and dreadlocks on blond guys. Today, we make a special appeal to black guys across the world: Please don’t straighten your hair.
In the very early days of the Civil Rights movement, it was briefly fashionable for African-American men to straighten their hair. However, with the development and solidification of a black racial consciousness, natural hair began to make a comeback, and straight hair began to become a rarity among black men.
However, in 2011 there are still a handful of professions where straightened hair is the norm for African-Americans. Chief among these are preacher, pimp and some combination of the two.
Some quick DOs & DON’Ts:
anti-Israel policy, anti-semitism, business up front, David Beckham, Emil Haagerdäddi, fashion police, fauxhawks, Iran, Iranian National Soccer Team, Jews, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, mullahcracy, mullahs, mulletards, mulletocracy, mullets, odious hairstyles, party in the back, religious fanatacism, religious intolerance, soccer mullets, that trick never works, The Achy-Breaky, thuggish jackbootery, wacky mullahs
Taking a momentary respite from its real mission (an ill-defined cocktail consisting mostly of breathlessly awaiting the advent of the New Caliphate and hating the Jews), the Iranian Mullahcracy has struck a blow in the war against bad taste. Iran has banned the mullet and other offensive Western hairstyles.
Wali bin Gud, Iranian Minister of Enlightenment and Cultural Decency, had this to say:
“It is incorrect to say that we have banned offensive Western hairstyles. Rather, as in the case of the mullet and fauxhawk, two particularly odious hairstyles, we have banned offensive hairstyles which happen to be Western.”
Some observers were surprised to see Iran working toward the common good. However, Professor Emil Haagerdäddi, a senior fellow at World Think Center For World Thought, says that Iran is not as altruistic as they might appear.
“You have to remember that everybody must do their thing,” explains the learned academian, “Get their freak on, as it were. In this way, national bodies are no different than individuals. Iran’s thing is, and always has been, repression. Aside from swap-meet style rugs, thuggish jackbootery is perhaps their best-known national product.”
Reaction to the mullet ban has not been universally positive. FIFA called it “Repression of the cruelest kind. When you strip a man of his mullet, you strip him also of his very soul.”
The Iranian National Soccer Team was said to be particularly disconsolate.
Can You Do Something About Comb-Overs? Iran bans the mullet | World news | The Guardian.